Whether your aim is to exit singlehood, develop friendships, or find a quick romp, Cupid's Library has a carefully curated list of dating categories and sites for your online dating needs. Falling for a wrong matchmaker may not be as painful as falling for the wrong match, but you can avoid both. Through Cupid's Library's list of comprehensive dating categories and site reviews, you can end your dating drought by signing up only for the right site and paying for the subscription plans that suit your requirements.

Top Ranked Dating Sites

Website URL Rating
1. Match.com http://www.match.com
2. Meet Locals http://www.meetlocals.com
3. AsianDating.com http://www.asiandating.com
4. Fitness Singles http://www.fitness-singles.com
5. Wealthymen.com http://www.wealthymen.com
6. Dating For Seniors http://www.datingforseniors.com
7. Video Game Dating http://www.videogamedating.net
8. BBW Romance http://www.bbwromance.com
9. Farmers Dating Site http://www.farmersdatingsite.com
10. Atheist Personals http://www.atheistpersonals.net

Interview with A Top Tier Dating Coach: Arica Angelo



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by Richard | 8 a.m. | September 23rd 2016

If we are asked what the most important thing in life is, dating and relationships are going to be the answer for so many people. It is human nature to seek relationships with others. Some may do it for fun and some do it to create a new life.

There are not many people in the world who can give better dating advice than top tier dating coaches. They are professionals possessing masterful skill in dating and flirting with all types of people. Not just that, they are best at interpersonal skills as well as philosophy and sociology.

Because of their knowledge, these dating coaches are well-known for bringing a successful dating life to their clients. Our dating coach for today's interview is Arica Angelo from http://www.aricaangelo.com/. Because of her passion in sharing dating experience, Arica decided to be a dating coach and started helping hundreds of singles to be successful in love since 2008.

Watch the below video to learn more about her.

What life experience made you decide that you would like to be a dating coach?

I decided to become a Dating Coach back in 2008 after a friend suggested I start writing about my dating experiences since I seemed to find it fun and interesting.

I had been in a 7 year marriage and found myself single, in a brand new city with very few friends. To me dating was the vehicle I decided to use to rebuild my new life, rediscover who I was and who I wanted to be.

Come to find out, it was one hell of a ride and so I took my friend up on their suggestion and started writing about it.

What I thought would be simple blogs, turned out to leading me to a path as a Dating Coach. I didn’t even know they existed!

What was your dating life like before you became a dating coach?

My dating life was a blast, with some schooling that had to be had early on. A buddy of mine took my under his wing and taught me the “ropes” of dating. Thanks to him, he taught me what guys meant when they did certain things, what pitfalls to avoid and when a guy was being an asshole and to run like hell.

After having a few bumps and bruises, it became an adventure from there. I was able to learn so much about myself by going out on dates and hearing other people’s stories. I learned what I liked, what I couldn’t stand and what I wanted more of.

How does being a dating coach affect your own love life? Do you apply the same rules and matching techniques to your own dating habits?

Arica Angelo, the dating coachBeing a dating coach affected my love life when the guys I dated got insecure about it. However, the confident ones weren’t affected by it. In terms of my relationships, it’s forced me to get real answers for myself. I feel a keen sense of responsibility with what I do for people, so I remain vigilant to what’s going on inside of me and finding answers for myself, in hopes to give my answers away to my clients.

Do I follow the same rules? Yes and no. Yes because I emphasize heavily on being vulnerable. It’s become part of my makeup so I’ll always do my best to be true to that aspect. In terms of not applying my own rules, I will always be my own guinea pig.

With that said, I’m always stretching things and crossing boundaries. I want to find new rules. If I’m giving the same rules 5 years later, that means I haven’t grown and my clients won’t grow as a result. That to me is unacceptable.

What is the most important thing when giving relationship advice to your client?

The most important thing when I’m giving relationship advice to my clients is to make sure I’m hearing their story and that I follow my intuition. There is no one path for every client. Every person is unique and so my advice needs to be unique to their needs. Following my intuition keeps me vigilant to giving them the advice that will give them the answers they’re searching for.

What is the most asked question from your client? And why?

Everyone wants to know why they haven’t found their someone. Essentially they’re asking “What’s wrong with me?” and “What I’m doing wrong?” We’re used to getting what we want, when we want. Love doesn’t work that way. Nine out of 10 times, it’s an inside job. It’s my job to hold the flashlight to what’s going on inside and shine light into it.

Do you have some requirements for your clients?

My requirements are that my clients can follow direction and remain pliable. If someone is stubborn and set in their ways, it’s a deal breaker. My advice to them is stay single and hope some push over will put up with their crap.

Is there a universal strategy that works for all dating advices?

Arica AngeloThe universal strategy that works for all dating advice is to really love yourself and love yourself damn well. The challenge is it’s a challenge. We’re taught to bully ourselves more than love ourselves. Everyone thinks it’s such a cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason. It works and invites real love in your life, period.

Do you have a specific dating advice for BBW?

My advice for BBW is to fall in love with you. Love the parts that bring you true joy and if there’s an area you’re not satisfied with, focus to get your desired results. But do not hold someone else accountable for your validation. Validate yourself, it’s your job and you’re worth it! That advice is for everyone.

Is there a specific trait that prevents someone from having a successful relation?

Stubbornness and an inability to forgive is the quickest way to stay single. Some people take pride in these so-called “traits” thinking they make them strong. BS. Those two traits make you lonely.

How have apps such as Tinder and online dating sites changed the way of dating?

Dating apps have taken away peoples excuses. In the past, singles used to always complain to me that there was no one in their area. Now we’re complaining there are too people. Quit complaining and get out there and date. Let go of your agenda and take the time to enjoy the people you date.

If there’s one piece of advice you’d have for singles who are looking for a partner, what would it be?

The one piece of advice I have for singles that are looking for a partner is get real with yourself.

Be honest with yourself, do you really want a partner or is it pressure from society or time? Ask yourself how great your relationships are with the people around you? Chances are if you’re struggling with the relationships around you, you have some work to do and a new partner won’t alleviate that.

If the answer is still yes, then start taking chances. Get out and date. Take good care of yourself and love yourself very well in the process. Keep your heart and mind open. Don’t dictate your journey, because that will get you frustrated from 0-100 real quick. Let go, breathe and find what you enjoy about the people that come across your path. This type of momentum and genuine curiosity sets you up to meet your partner when you least expect it!

Contact Arica Angelo

This is the end of our interview with Arica Angelo. Check back our blog next week and read more interview in our dating coach interview series!

Best Asian Dating Sites in 2017



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by Richard | 8:42 a.m. | September 16th 2016

Whether an Asian is looking for a partner of the same ethnicity or a person is looking to date an Asian for the first time, there are numerous dating sites that can help. Many of these sites cater specifically to the Asian community. Having access to so many premium websites is great because it gives people the chance to expand their search and have access to lots of Asians in their area.

With so many Asian-friendly dating websites out there, however, it can be tough to find out which ones are the best. Below is a look at the best Asian dating sites for 2017. These are the ones that people should try first if they plan to enter the Asian dating scene.

1. AsianDating.com

AsianDating.com is ranked at the top of this list thanks to quality members and and easy-to-use interface. It doesn't take very long to get the hang of using this site. It also has a huge user base thanks to the fact that it offers both paid and free dating solutions. This makes it a great choice no matter the size of a person's budget. When users decide that they like the site enough to pay for more premium services, paid plans start as low as $10 a month.

Additionally, the site offers a few special features not found on all dating sites. All plans have access to email and instant messaging social features. However, some plans even give an access to video profiles, which makes it easier to form a deep connection with others.

The biggest drawback to the site is that it has such an active community that a user's inbox can easily become overfilled with messages, making it difficult to reply to everyone. However, some people may consider that a nice problem to have.

asiandating homepage

 

 

2. Asian Matching

For people who are looking for Asian dating sites that aren't full of Caucasians looking to spice up their dating profiles, Asianmatching.com is the perfect fit. The community of this site is almost completely made up of Asian members. Along with helping Asians find love, the goal of the site is to help those who are looking for something a little less serious than romance. Best of all, it only costs $13.33 a month.

The biggest advantage that Asian Matching has over other Asian websites is that it wants to cater to a wider demographic of Asians. It welcomes not only women and men but also couples looking to add a third in the bedroom. While this may be a little raunchier than some people have in mind, there's definitely a market for it, and Asian Matching addresses that market.

This isn't to say that Asianmatching.com doesn't also address people who are looking for romance. The community is vast, and users are sure to find someone with similar interests.

asian matching homepage

3. AsianFriendFinder.com

The best part about AsianFriendFinder.com is that it offers a true dating experience. This isn't a mail-order bride service or a dating site all about providing one-night stands. This is a site for people who want an honest relationship with someone they find interesting. The site offers a lot of different membership plans that range from $9.74 to $11.99 a month. However, like other dating sites on this list, it allows users to create a profile for free to get a feel for it.

One of the biggest draws to this AsianFriendFinder.com is that it has over 4 million active users around the world. After all, AsianFriendFinder.com is the largest Asian dating website on the internet but that doesn’t mean that over millions of members are Asian. This makes it a great choice for people who are in Asian countries or in the United States.

Another great thing about this site is the ability to filter members by using a lot of perimeters. A simple local search can turn up over 1,000 members in one area, so being able to filter them helps users narrow the results to Asians who have the same interests. The site also offers a Who's Online feature making it easy to flirt and chat up people who are currently on the site.

asiafriendfinder homepage

 

4. Korean Cupid

As the name suggests, Korean Cupid is looking to address a certain demographic: Koreans. This includes Koreans looking for other Koreans and people who are simply interested in dating Korean men and women. Joining the website allows users to make a profile for free, making it easy to see what kind of members are on the site. If they like the site, they can become full members by paying $10 a month.

While there are a lot of great features about this site, one of the best is its live video chats. This is the best way to see if two people are compatible and allows for much more intimate online dates than just sending messages back and forth. The biggest drawback to the site is that it caters only to people who are looking for Korean men and women. So if someone is into Japanese or Chinese individuals, this site will offer little help.

Majority of members in Korean Cupid is in the range of age 25 to 44. Although that's a big age range, it can be difficult for those who are looking for a dating partner who is around 18 and 25 or older than 44.

Korea Cupid Homepage

5. Japan Cupid

Cupid sites have made this list multiple times for good reason. They have a winning formula and use it for each site. The biggest difference between these sites is which demographic they target. This time, Japan Cupid targets individuals who are interested in Japanese men and women. Like so many other dating sites, it's free to make a profile, but users have to pay $10 a month before their real journey starts.

The wonderful thing about this site is how many active users it has. There aren't a lot of dead or abandoned profiles. Users update their profiles regularly and are willing to meet new people. While the site is designed specifically for Japanese singles, it also has its fair share of non-Japanese people looking for Japanese partners. This is great because it means Japanese Cupid is providing support for that niche.

While this dating site provides the same kind of features as other Cupid sites, the reason this one makes the list is its success rate. , Japan Cupid features one of the highest success rates of any other site on this list. Maybe that has to do with the site's members or the support on the site. Either way, it's worth noting.

Japan Cupid Homepage

6. Vietnam Cupid

Vietnam Cupid is another great site that, just like Korean Cupid, addresses a specific market: Vietnamese singles. Sometimes, finding Vietnamese people to date can be hard, so this site brings all of the Vietnamese singles in one area together to make it easier for users to find dates. In this regard, it works very well. Joining the site is free, but users have to pay $10 a month before they can start chatting with other members.

The site is very well designed and easy to figure out. Vietnam Cupid also makes it worth upgrading to a Gold membership because the basic membership gives users a limited amount of winks to use. This is important since winks are how users show their interest in one another. Upgrading won't be necessary for everyone, but it at least makes it feel like they're getting more bangs for their buck if they really like to test the waters. The website makes sending payments easy by accepting PayPal and major credit cards.

Vietnam Cupid homepage

When looking for an Asian partner, it's important for people to explore a few different options. Asians have a wide range of colorful personalities. Just because people don't find the right partners for them on one site doesn't mean you should give up. If possible, it is recommended to check out a few of the sites mentioned above to increase their possibilities of finding the perfect Asian partners.

 

Interview with A Top Tier Dating Coach: Scot McKay



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by Richard | 8 a.m. | September 9th 2016

If we are asked what the most important thing in life is, dating and relationships are going to be the answer for so many people. It is human nature to seek relationships with others. Some may do it for fun and some do it to create a new life.

There are not many people in the world who can give better dating advice than top tier dating coaches. They are professionals possessing masterful skill in dating and flirting with all types of people. Not just that, they are best at interpersonal skills as well as philosophy and sociology.

Because of their knowledge, these dating coaches are well-known for bringing a successful dating life to their clients. Our dating coach for today's interview is Scot McKay from deservewhatyouwant.com. Scot is one of the most recognized and effective dating coaches to both men and women on the global stage. Now a four-time Amazon #1 bestselling author, over 400 media outlets have consulted him, including ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, BBC, MTV, Lifetime, Men’s Health and The Wall Street Journal.

Let’s hear what Scot want to say about the life of a dating coach

What life experience made you decide that you would like to be a dating coach?

I’ve always been drawn to making a difference in the lives of others. But it was after a difficult divorce in ’03 and my subsequent journey to getting better with women that I decided to help others find the love of their life. A number of my friends (even girlfriends) had suggested I’d be perfect for this role, which pretty much confirmed my purpose.

What was your dating life like before you became a dating coach?

Scot McKayFor much of my life, it was quite inconsistent. But once I made an effort to understand women and become the man they’re attracted to, my fortunes improved dramatically. By the time I met my wife Emily I was routinely dating several women at once, all of whom at any given time were precious and adorable.

How does being a dating coach affect your own love life? Do you apply the same rules and matching techniques to your own dating habits?

Great question. I’ve often said that being immersed in the art and science of dating and relationships on a daily basis has sharpened both my focus and my skill set. It’s not only that I’ve continued to become better at what I do, the spotlight of being somewhat of a public figure serves to keep both Emily and I accountable to maintain our wonderful relationship. Fortunately, with a terrific woman like her around that’s never a burden.

What is the most important thing when giving relationship advice to your client?

Three things, I’d say. First, we’ve got to walk the talk. Second, we’ve got to be able to successfully impart what we know to others. Third, we’ve got to be relatable to those we coach. Perhaps ironically, it’s the past failures and imperfections we’ve redeemed along the way that make us better dating coaches.

What is the most asked question from your clients? And why?

For men, it’s often about how to be the masculine men women want in a feminized world. For women, it’s where to find all the good men. Interestingly, both of those issues come down to confusion among men over their role in today’s post-modern Western society.

Do you have some requirements for your clients?

Absolutely. They have to be mentally sound, adore and respect the other gender and be willing to at least try what we suggest for them. It goes without saying, of course, but they also have to resonate with our general message or we’re not going to be the best fit for them as coaches.

Is there a universal strategy that works for all dating advices?

Yes, and it’s both contrary and disruptive to other dating advice. Instead of the flawed, but extraordinarily popular battle cry to compel others to give you what you want, we challenge both men and women to deserve what they want instead. When two generous, optimistic and level-headed people who “get each other” enter into a relationship, their chances of success are fantastic.

Is there a specific trait that prevents someone from having a successful relationship?

It’s a selfish, even narcissistic mindset that most surely dooms a couple to failure. Unfortunately, that’s pandemic nowadays, even as mainstream dating advice feeds the disease, as it were.

Certainly also, a bitterness or even hatred for MOTOS (members of the other sex) prohibits one from enjoying a happy long-term relationship.

Scot and Emily Mckay

Scot and his wife, Emily Mckay

How have apps such as Tinder and online dating sites changed the way of dating?

There are more dating options than ever, and more potential people to meet and connect with. The problem is that since our “options” don’t present as real, actual people until relatively long after we begin to interact with them, there’s been a deleterious effect on the dating landscape overall. Common respect for one other has decreased dramatically, leading to a rise in fickleness and “ghosting” as we fail to recognize there are real, actual human beings behind each smartphone.

I also believe that relationships and sex have been cheapened even more than ever in recent years, leading many to feel utterly empty inside. Sex is more available than ever, whereas real connection with real people has become all the more elusive.

If there’s one piece of advice you’d have for singles who are looking for a partner, what would it be?

That’s easy. If you’re male, don’t be afraid to proudly represent as a man. If you’re female, be all woman all the time. Despite political posturings and the minority who preach gender irrelevance, the raw building blocks of sexual polarity and attraction remain masculinity and femininity. That’s an international language that will never change.

This is the end of our interview with Scot McKay. Check back our blog next week and read more interview in our dating coach interview series!

From Suave To Scary: My Nightmare Dating Story



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by Richard | 4:42 p.m. | September 2nd 2016

I like to consider myself a fairly typical girl. I'm 29 and dating. I like getting made-up, going out, enjoying life, my friends, and my family. I live in Virginia and love the people, climate, and beach-life very much.

In my dating life, I have had some great experiences along with some really awkward and not so great experiences. Like everyone else I guess, the more you date, the more you experience the full spectrum of the singles scene and even people in general. I've had guys woo me with flowers and consideration and I've had guys make me want to run for the door. This specific date that I am about to divulge was the worst and scariest I have ever been on, changing how I think about dating and safety forever on.

I'll begin by saying that as many of my dates have begun, this one also began with meeting someone online. We will call him “Tre”. I began talking with Tre and felt a great connection. He was very handsome and sincere in his profile and it seemed even more so once we began talking. I liked his voice, his opinions on things, his easy-going nature; I liked it all.

The Date

The date began as you might imagine most dates beginning. I was just a few minutes late, but he was smiling, looking very charming, waiting for me at the popular restaurant we had mutually picked out. Even now things looked really good. He was smiling, holding the door for me, being a total gentleman.

Everything was great, at least for those first, ideal moments. Upon placing our orders with the waiter, he began to question me as to why I supposedly looked interested in the waiter. Immediately taken aback, I denied this crazy line of questioning and tried to shrug it off and just continue onward.

Before anything could get any worse, I could tell something wasn't quite right. I was feeling a sense of domineering from his disposition, something I did not like. How could this be though? Everything was so right before. Was this the same guy I had been talking to online and on the phone?

We continued a very awkward and strained dinner and conversation. It became clearer to me with every moment that he was not the shining, man of my dreams that I thought he was before. “Why haven't you tried holding my hand?” “I'm right here, why are your eyes going everywhere else?” By this point, I just wanted out.

bad match up - by Neil Gaudet, flickr.com

The Fearful Escape

I prayed for someone to call me so I could maybe step out and get away. I searched my mind for ways to leave. Finally, at the point of totally feeling trapped, to my amazement, an old friend came in and was seated very close to us. My prayers were answered.

She was on a date of her own and had no idea of my current situation. Seeing each other, we hugged and I whispered a very brief message of distress in her ear. Knowing I needed help, she began to act like the annoying old friend, coming to sit with us, and injecting herself as much as possible. Finally she asked me the very best question I had been asked in a long time. “Will you come outside with me for just a minute?”

Tre begrudgingly relented and I was off. As soon as we got outside, I broke down in her arms. Quickly, she saw me to my car and said that she would go in and tell him that I had become sick and needed to go home. I was shaken but I was free.

My joy was short-lived though. Within a few short minutes, the calls and texts began. They were relentless and very scary. He made it clear that he was the boss and I was somehow his possession simply because we had agreed to go on a date. His texts and voicemails had me questioning a call to the police.

Thankfully, the harassment stopped within an hour or so. I had turned off my phone and spent the rest of the evening in a state of shock and paranoia, wondering what to do next. Later, when I finally had the nerve to turn my phone back on, I was extremely relieved to see that the calls and texts had stopped.

Looking Back

Moving AwayI'm a fairly strong girl but this really had shaken me. What had I done wrong? What could I learn from it? How can I prevent myself from experiencing something like that again?

I know that I didn't do anything wrong. Unfortunately, I ran into a dangerous person with major issues. This was not my fault and I had no way of foreseeing this. I was also very lucky that my friend was there and willing to help. I think I would have left anyway, but I have a feeling it would not have been such a calm scene there in that restaurant.

The biggest thing I have taken away from this experience is a deeper awareness of dating safety. Thankfully, I had not had the occasion to give him my address. Can you imagine how differently things may have gone if I did? Never give your address to anyone you are simply dating.

My friend's intervention was also key. Do keep friends in the loop and try to have a contingency plan should you begin to feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Nowadays, I will let a friend know times, places, and other info about my date so that I can have a little more security.

This experience changed me, but for the better. I am now more aware of these areas of dating safety and gladly share the story with others in the hopes of advocating the same safety ideas to others. This was a rare occurrence and I refuse to let it damper my future love life. It is with this that I simply say everyone be safe, be aware, and enjoy that vast majority of online dates that are truly good, fun, and promising.

Do you have a love story like this? Don't just keep it to yourself. Contact us to write for the Cupid's Library community and help share knowledge for the benefit of all. We are waiting to share your story!

Interview with A Top Tier Dating Coach: Ronnie Ann Ryan



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by Richard | 8 a.m. | August 26th 2016

If we are asked what the most important thing in life is, dating and relationships are going to be the answer for so many people. It is human nature to seek relationships with others. Some may do it for fun and some do it to create a new life.

There are not many people in the world who can give better dating advice than top tier dating coaches. They are professionals possessing masterful skill in dating and flirting with all types of people. Not just that, they are best at interpersonal skills as well as philosophy and sociology.

Because of their knowledge, these dating coaches are well-known for bringing a successful dating life to their clients. Our dating coach for today's interview is Ronnie Ann Ryan from nevertoolate.biz. Ronnie is a certified dating coach who is specialized in helping women over 40. Her recent published book “Is He the One?: Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong” aiming to help women to find their right out rapidly become the bestselling book in Amazon.

You can personally get in touch with Ronnie through her personal twitter and facebook.

What life experience made you decide that you would like to be a dating coach?

Ronnie Ann RyanI was still single on my 40th birthday and couldn’t believe that happened to me. I had no prospects and no hope. Then I decided to figure things out and created a program for myself to start dating and find love that still works today with my clients. I dated 30 men in 15 months to meet the man I’ve been happily married to for 16 years.

What was your dating life like before you became a dating coach?

I had no idea what I was doing or understanding of men. But I sure learned fast when I crammed 20 years worth of dating in a little over a year. I caught on to how things worked and what men’s behavior meant with that focused effort.

What is your specialty when it comes to dating coaching?

I work with strong, successful women over 40 with a hot career and a chilly love life. We work on mindset to be more optimistic and hopeful, uncover obstacles, create a dating action plan to meet men, and radically simply understanding men.

How does being a dating coach affect your own love life? Do you apply the same rules and matching techniques to your own dating habits?

I’ve been married for years but I still think about my feminine charm and the best way to interact with my husband to maintain the male/female balance in our relationship.

What is the most important thing when giving relationship advice to your client?

Understanding where my clients are coming from – the same advice doesn’t work for every person so I modify as needed.

What is the most asked question from your client? And why?

Where can I meet decent men? (Or quality men) Most women today are frustrated trying to meet men. They see how many men online want to date younger women and think they have no chance. It’s absolutely not true of course – plenty of men prefer women closer o their own age.

Do you have some requirements for your clients?

Ronnie Ann Ryan 2They have to really want a partner because without that desire, they aren’t likely to follow the advice. You need to want love in your life and make it a priority to find it or it isn’t likely to manifest.

Is there a universal strategy that works for all dating situations?

Nope. No way. Every situation and person is different. But there are some generalizations that can really help you on the path and work in most cases. For example, positive happy people are naturally more attractive no matter what they look like. Don’t talk about your ex, health, financial problems, troubled kids, etc.

Is there a specific trait that prevents someone from having a successful relation?

I’m not sure about that but what I can say is there are certain traits that help you have a successful relationship. The ability to listen and talk through things calmly, respect for each other, and a willingness to compromise. These three things make all the difference for creating a happy healthy relationship.

How have apps such as Tinder and online dating sites changed the way of dating?

On the plus side, it gives singles access to other singles making them easier to find. If you had to just go to bars, you’d never meet as many singles. On the down side, some people have adopted a “candy store mentality” where they keep dating and dating because there might always be someone better, rather than getting to know someone and letting a relationship grow.

If there’s one piece of advice you’d have for singles who are looking for a partner, what would it be?

Have hope, keep at it and don’t give up until you find love. I found love after 40 which is why I know you can do it too.

What prompted you to write your new book? Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong

Is the the one? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. WrongSo many women write to me on my blog about all the confusion they experience about what men say and do. They don’t always match up and sometimes there are mixed signals. (Women probably do some of the same things to men.) So I have created a way to radically simplify understanding men which cuts through the confusion to gain clarity. It works every time!

What’s the most important thing you want women to know from this book?

You can often quickly identify men who are not relationship material much faster than if a man really has potential. It takes time to discover if a man has serious intentions. But a guy who isn’t serious is incredibly easy to spot once you know what to look for. That’s what the book is all about. My goal is to help women save time and heart ache!

If you want to smarten up about dating and understanding men, get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single at www.nevertoolate.biz/gift

Top Dating Spots in San Francisco 2016



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by Richard | 10:40 a.m. | August 19th 2016

Dinner and a movie is a great idea for a date, but it can get repetitive. Sometimes, it can be difficult to step out of the ordinary and do something different. Maybe, you're ready but can't quite find something that peaks your interest, or your busy schedule doesn't allow time to research date night ideas. Great news! We've done the research for you and found several amazing places that offer something for everyone.

One great thing about San Francisco is that it has a diverse selection of entertainment, art, and fun. Whether you enjoy quiet walks along the beach or embracing the nightlife a big city can offer, you're certain to find the perfect date spot. If you don't have someone to go with you yet, just find one at match.com

Pier 39

Contrary to popular belief, Pier 39 is not just for tourists. With a variety of shops, dining, and entertainment, couples may have a hard time choosing what to do first. Take a stroll around the pier and keep an eye out for sea lions, stop and observe various street performers, and enjoy live music.

Mix it up and try out the Magowan Infinite Mirror Maze. Psychedelic lights and music make it even more difficult to find your way.

Spend part of the afternoon on the 65-foot catamaran known as "Kitty Kat" and go whale-watching. Enjoy exploring the Gulf of the Farallons National Marine Sanctuary as you learn more about dolphins, whales, and other sea life. If you're not lucky enough to spot some whales, the next time is free!

Pier 39 - San Francisco, Image taken by John O'Neill - wikipedia.org

Union Square

Union Square offers a huge variety of shopping, entertainment, and food. Enjoy the delicious food and drinks while watching a show at PianoFight. If you're a jazz and blues fan, check out southern eating and entertainment at Biscuits & Blues. Go on a tour or walk through the amazing art galleries.

Ruby Skye often has famous DJs stopping by to spin records while you dance the night away. If you think comedy relief would be a great date idea, try out Cheaper Than Therapy. This hilarious show will have you and your date laughing the entire time.

Union Square, Image taken by By Aude - Own work, CC BY-SA 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=1963698

Fisherman's Wharf

A night in San Francisco's historic waterfront district offers more than just great food and music. If you're looking for something completely out of the ordinary for a great date night, this is the spot! Musee Mecanique will take you back to your childhood with old video games, music players, and fortune tellers.

For the thrill-seekers, The San Francisco Dungeon is a fun 'haunted' experience. With an amazing cast, they immerse visitors into the story providing an unforgettable experience.

Take a trip to Alcatraz Island or visit one of the museums. Pier 39, listed above, is also located in this district. With so much to do, you may decide to plan several dates here.

Fisherman's Wharf at night - image taken by m01229 - flickr.com

The Presidio

For the adventurous types, The Presidio offers a variety of trails for hiking and biking. You can choose to stay close to the ocean or enjoy the Southern Wilds where you can hike through the forest.

History and beauty are combined on the Urban Hike. An experienced guide takes you through the former military post where you will visit the San Francisco National Cemetary. You'll walk along Lover's Lane and Ecology Trail. Alcatraz can be seen atop Inspiration Point.

At the Presidio Picnic, you can enjoy street vendors and food trucks offering tons of food choices. If you're a Star Wars fan, be sure to stop by Lucasfilm Headquarters just inside the Lombard Gates and see the incredible Yoda statue.

 Presidio - By EPoelzl (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Golden Gate Park

Enjoy the beautiful gardens, visit the aquarium, or just relax in the outdoors at the Golden Gate Park. It is a perfect location for a fitness couple. Just north of the golf course, you can try archery. Equipment is available for rent, and you'll receive tips from expert archers. The 9 target bales are surrounded by lush green grass and trees making it the perfect picnic spot.

Rent a rowboat or paddle boat and venture out into Stow Lake. Right in the middle of the lake is Strawberry Hill. You can walk to the top and enjoy the breathtaking views which include a waterfall.

Golden Gate Park - image taken by Markus Laber

Russian Hill

Take a drive to Russian Hill and experience Lombard Street which is also known as "The Crookedest Street". One of San Francisco's steepest streets is also located in Russian Hill. Filbert Street has a 31.5% grade.

This beautiful neighborhood is also home to quaint restaurants and shops. Try out Amarena, an inexpensive Italian restaurant which serves amazing bread and pasta.

Stop by the San Francisco Art Institue or grab a treat at Swenson's Ice Cream. Enjoy the beautiful parks and gardens and top off the night with a few drinks at one of this district's nightlife venues.

Lombard Street - image taken by Jan Kronsell

The Mission

Pack a picnic lunch and visit Delores Park and take in the amazing view of the San Francisco skyline. Feast on amazing Mexican food at La Taqueria or one of the many wonderful restaurants.

You can walk around and observe the incredible street murals on Balmy and Clarion Alley. Contemporary, Latino art can be found at the Galeria de la Raza. Zeitgeist is just one of the many places in this district to grab a cold beer.

Dolores Park - image taken by Almonroth (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Almonroth)

North Beach

An afternoon in North Beach, also known as San Francisco's "Little Italy", is a perfect date spot. In addition to Italian cuisine, you can also find Japanese and French restaurants. One popular place to eat is Caffe Greco.

Visit the stunning Peter and Paul Church in Washington Square. At Doc's Lab, you can eat, drink, and enjoy a performance including comedy, readings, and music.

Visit the many boutiques, and don't forget to check out the amazing "City Lights" bookstore. Coit Tower has amazing views. If you stay into the night, there are plenty of lively nightclubs to choose from.

North Beach San Francisco

SoMa - South of Market

SoMa is a large wide-spread district that is home to the Cartoon Art Museum, the Giants, and amazing cultural museums. Grab some coffee and croissants at The Butler & The Chef, or enjoy one of many other cafes and restaurants.

SoMa also has a huge variety of shops, boutiques, and nightclubs. The Mezzanine is a great place to dance to live music or you may get lucky and go the same night they're hosting a popular DJ. Performing arts fans will love the Smuin Ballet.

South of Market - Image taken by Marlith (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Marlith)

Chinatown

The largest outside of Asia, as well as the only one in North America, Chinatown offers way more than just great Chinese food. There are a number of museums, gardens, theaters, and beautiful Asian ladies. Stop in the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory and observe the different shapes and sizes. You can even stay for a while and watch as the cookies are being made.

Take a few hours and walk around the San Francisco Zoo or the California Academy of Sciences Museum. Visit the Winchester Mystery House, the Exploratorium, and so much more.

San Francisco China Town - Image taken by Chensiyuan (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Chensiyuan)

We hope you've enjoyed our list of dating spots in San Francisco. As you can see, there are so many different things to enjoy in this city. Each district offers its own unique experience, and we hope you were able to find some great date ideas! If you are still looking for a date, why don't you check these sites out?

 

 

Interview with A Top Tier Dating Coach: Mike Goldstein



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by Richard | 11:12 a.m. | August 12th 2016

If we are asked what the most important thing in life is, dating and relationships are going to be the answer for so many people. It is human nature to seek relationships with others. Some may do it for fun and some do it to create a new life.

There are not many people in the world who can give better dating advice than top tier dating coaches. They are professionals possessing masterful skill in dating and flirting with all types of people. Not just that, they are best at interpersonal skills as well as philosophy and sociology.

Because of their knowledge, these dating coaches are well-known for bringing a successful dating life to their clients. Our dating coach for today's interview is Mike Goldstein. He is a 1-on-1 dating coach for women who has been featured on the Today Show, The Star Ledger, and Shape Magazine. 83% of Mike's clients enter relationships during coaching and he currently has 100% client satisfaction.

If you would like to learn more about Mike or his practice please visit his website or blog for specific, straight to the point dating advice.

What life experience made you decide that you would like to be a dating coach?

Mike GoldsteinAt the age of 24, I was deeply upset over a girlfriend cheating on me with a close friend. Needing to understand why, I began a life of studying dating and relationships. Soon people would say, "You truly understand human interaction and online dating, why don't you start coaching people?" I listened. A few years later I had coached 6 people to fulfilling marriages with 7 children between them. I also was getting clients into a relationships at an industry leading 83 percent.

What was your dating life like before you became a dating coach?

Well at the beginning of high school I was a total nerd and could barely get a woman to speak to me. After lots of frustration and sleepless nights, I spent countless hours studying experts, reading, and practicing. Eventually, I become an expert and truly enjoyed dating and ultimately found my current girlfriend.

How does being a dating coach affect your own love life? Do you apply the same rules and matching techniques to your own dating habits?

It has changed my life completely. Because I mostly coach women now, I get to hear their pain points in dating, and more importantly exactly what they want from men. My clients have basically given me the keys to the castle and thus I am constantly using this information to show my girlfriend how much she means to me and ensuring I do my best to treat her like a queen.

What is the most important thing when giving relationship advice to your client?

The advice MUST be SIMPLE and EASY TO DO. If 97% of people can IMPLEMENT your advice and get the RESULT PROMISED, then it is good advice. Any percentage lower than 97% has not been refined enough to be truly useful.

What is the most asked question from your client? And why?

Why is he not interested in me?

The answer is simple. I have no idea. Although this is extremely difficult, I ask everyone to not take it personally. When I start working with a new client, I make them narrow down their must haves to only 5 things. Thus, when a man decides to stop seeing you, he stopped because of 1 of 2 reasons.

1. You don't have 1 of the 5 things he needs in a life partner

2. He is only looking for sex and he figured it was going to take too long with you

Neither of these reasons have ANYTHING to do with you. Thus, move onto the next one realizing it was simply not the right guy for you.

Mike GoldsteinDo you have some requirements for your clients?

1. On a scale of 0 (least important) to 10 (most important) finding love is at least an 8 if not higher. I want people who are highly motivated and want to be successful.

Is there a universal strategy that works for all dating advice?

There is a universal strategy to online dating. Simply, profiles needs to be written more specifically

Don't Say - On a typical Friday night I watch Netflix.

Do Say - On a typical Friday night I watch 2 episodes of Law and Order on Netflix, go to bed at 11PM to wake up and run 5 miles at 9AM in Central Park.

The 2nd sentence shows what merging of lives could look like, a relaxing Friday night with an early wake up on Saturday. This sentence will rule out non-morning people and the Friday bar hoping crowd which is great news because these folks most likely wouldn't make sense for you.

Is there a specific trait that prevents someone from having a successful relationship?

Everyone is different but I think one concept could save a lot of relationships. When your partner brings up a concern he/she is having, even if it is brutally attacking your character, listen to it, attempt to understand it, and work with your partner to find a better way moving forward.

How have apps such as Tinder and online dating sites changed the way of dating?

Tinder specifically has made less barriers of entry to going on dates. Your profile can be created in under 5 minutes unlike for example okcupid or match.

In terms of optimizing your time, I would still create a specific and more robust profile on okcupid and only go on dates with men that most likely have your must haves.

Typically on Tinder or similar apps there is not much information in a profile and you basically are going on a blind date. For the person who wants to be more efficient in dating, I would use okcupid, make use of the longer more substantive profiles and match% which works quite well. (My data shows that clients that go on dates with 90% match percentage enjoy the date conversation 85% of the time)

If there’s one piece of advice you’d have for singles who are looking for a partner, what would it be?

Here is my #1 piece of advice. This video is the Number 1 Thing Women Do To Erk Men.

What You Need to Know When Dating an Atheist



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by Richard | 10:27 a.m. | August 5th 2016

If you were to go online and research the results of dating an atheist, you would discover a plethora of posts highlighting such derogatory phrases such as, "God Hater" and "Bible Thumper." Dating someone with different religious views is hard enough for some people to grapple, but for a religious person to date an atheist, well, that is a whole other can of worms.

An atheist, according to the dictionary's definition, is a person who lacks faith in the existence of God. For some faithful few, there is no greater sin. In order to understand what is required to date someone of such questionable moral fiber, you first have to ask yourself some tough questions first.

definition of an atheist

Dating an Atheist for Starters

For starters, if you are of the opinion that anyone who shares a different religious view than you is somehow morally culpable, dating an atheist is probably not going to work out well for you, regardless of how attractive or endearing they may appear on the surface. On the other hand, an atheist who believes someone of deep religious conviction is an uneducated fool may also do better dating someone more philosophically compatible.

Religion can be a spiritually uplifting endeavor offering its believers the opportunity to connect with themselves, and the world in a highly deep and intimate way. In many ways, atheists share this conviction. The main difference resides in the fact that the atheist does not hold God responsible for this connection.

In order to date an atheist, unless you are an atheist yourself, you must have an open mind and respect for beliefs that are different than your own. The atheist must share those open minded qualities. As with dating in general, respect for the other person is the key component to any healthy relationship. Whether discussing religion, politics or how to raise a family, one must always consider there are other points of views. If you want your views respected, it is imperative to respect the views of others as well. Dating an atheist is no exception to this rule.

Understand an Atheist

Contrary to some belief, atheism is not a sadistic endeavor. There are, of course, some hurtful and unsavory atheists in the world. There are also some hurtful and unsavory Christians and Jews and Muslims. Many highly worthwhile philanthropic endeavors were the result of kind atheists seeking to make the world a better place. Would you rather date a cruel Christian or a kind atheist? If kindness wins in your book, dating an atheist can probably work out providing you respect each other's views and do not encourage conflict.

If you are someone who would rather be alone than with someone who does not believe in God, regardless of how kind he or she may be, then dating an atheist should never be a consideration. Seeking to convert or change a person is a big no-no in regards to dating and is vastly discouraged by licensed therapists and professionals worldwide. Nothing can lead to relationship dysfunction faster than the appearance that another is not good enough as they are.

If you do not see your atheist boyfriend or girlfriend as acceptable for who they are, you best leave them and seek someone you can accept. That said, you should never stand for having your religious views mocked or ridiculed by an atheist either. If you are dating a non-believer, and they do not show respect for your views, they are not worth the time or energy of dating.

Avoiding judgement is the key when dating someone with radically different fundamental beliefs. This goes for both the believer and non-believer. These beliefs tend to be an important aspect of a person's character and deserve to be treating as such. If you are a religious person, non judgement should already be a part of your religious practice. Even if you do not believe in God, but seek to be a kind and good soul, you will be true to your mission by refraining condemnation. "Respect and be respected." should be the mantra of this type of relationship, or it will never survive for any great length of time.

holding hands - from Yoel Ben-Avraham, flickr.com

Two Core Principles

In a nutshell, successfully dating an atheist comes down to understanding and implementing two core principles.

1.) A Person's Religious Beliefs are a Personal, Individual Affair.

Yes, you heard that right. If you are deeply religious and constantly seeking to change your atheist lover into something more palatable to you, you are better off terminating the relationship and finding someone more spiritually akin to you. Your partner's beliefs are their own, and not a reflection of your own. If you can not respect this, you can not respect them. The same goes for the atheist. You may not believe in God, and that is your personal choice and right.

If your partner does, however, you must respect that regardless of how silly or misinformed you think those views may be. Belittling a believer or mocking their views merely because they are not in line with your own is disrespectful and unfair. Regardless of where you fall on the religious spectrum, if you want your views respected, you must respect the views of others. There is nothing more paramount in a relationship.

2.) Be Open to New Things.

A key component to any healthy relationship is the ability to introduce each other to new and different things even if those things are not always your particular cup of tea. I love baseball, for example. My wife and daughter do not, but out of love for me, they accompany me on my sojourn across the country in an attempt to see every major league park. This makes the experience much more happy for me, as I love having my wife and daughter's company. On their side, they get to see new cities and places, revel in the marvels of some of the modern stadiums, and enjoy the vibrancy of the home crowd while eating good food and meeting new people.Their openness to my interests makes us all happy.

On the other hand, I am not a religious person. My wife is Catholic. I go with her every year to midnight mass, and other important holidays at our local church. This means a great deal to her to have me beside her. I enjoy the candles and incense. The music can bring me to tears, and on more than one occasion, I have been tremendously inspired by the priest's moving homily. My wife's joy, subsequently, brings me joy, too. Why, because I love her, and she loves me, and we are able to meet in the spaces between our individual interests and beliefs.

3.) Respect Their Beliefs.

Do I believe the Virgin Mary ascended bodily into heaven, no. Do I believe that Christ arose from the dead, walked on water, and turned water into wine, no. Would I ever mock or make fun of my wife for harboring such beliefs, never. If you love someone, you respect their beliefs. If you can not, love will never be enough. In our twenty years of marriage, my wife has never sought to make me a member of her church or frowned upon the zen meditation I do every morning in lieu of a religious affiliation. She does not seek to make me Catholic or insist on my believing what she does. If she did, our marriage would suffer as the result.

burning sunset and burning love - from Carlos ZGZ and james j8246, flickr.com

Find the Right Out

Dating is not marriage, but unless you come from a culture that arranges marriages, you can not have those longer, meaningful relationships without dating. If you date an atheist, ask yourself if this relationship has a future. If it does, seek the mutual respect requisite for any lasting relationship. Expect nothing less from the person you are dating. Not every atheist is a "God-Hating" sinner. Often, they are warm and loving people who could offer a great deal to a relationship. Not every religious person is a "Bible-Thumping" moron. In many cases, their religion has cultivated in them a clear sense of purpose and moral integrity.

There are many articles and sites out there that will tell you that an atheist and a person of faith can never be compatible. I am living proof that that concept is not true. Perhaps, if you are a closed minded fundamentalist of any denomination, including atheism, your close mindedness would preclude such a relationship. If you are of the belief, however that religion, atheism included, should open our hearts, not close them, dating an atheist is like dating anyone else with a different viewpoint than our own.

In order to effectively date an atheist, you need to:

  • Be respectful of each other.
  • Be kind and open minded.
  • Do not sacrifice your views for that of another, and never ask another to do so for you.
  • Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated.

Implement these core practices when dating anyone, and you will soon discover that dating an atheist does not have to be as complicated as some might make it out to be. Check out these atheist dating sites to start looking for your atheist partner. 

Do you have a love story related to atheist dating? Don't just keep it to yourself. Contact us to write for the Cupid's Library community and help share knowledge for the benefit of all. We are waiting to share your story!

Interview with A Top Tier Dating Coach: James Preece



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by Richard | 8:21 a.m. | August 3rd 2016

If we are asked what the most important thing in life is, dating and relationships are going to be the answer for so many people. It is human nature to seek relationships with others. Some may do it for fun and some do it to create a new life.

There are not many people in the world who can give better dating advice than top tier dating coaches. They are professionals possessing masterful skill in dating and flirting with all types of people. Not just that, they are best at interpersonal skills as well as philosophy and sociology.

Because of their knowledge, these dating coaches are well-known for bringing a successful dating life to their clients. Our dating coach for today's interview is James Preech. He is one of the UK's leading Dating Experts and Dating Coaches. James has been working in the industry for over a decade and is involved in a wide variety of different areas, such as personal dating coaching, Online Dating, singles events, matchmaking and consulting for many dating companies.

James Preece is a regularly featured expert in top UK and international media: such as the Independent, Cosmopolitan, OK Magazine, Men’s Health, Match.com, The Sun, Ann Summers and often appears on radio and television. In addition, he has clients all over the world and is the author of 6 best-selling dating books, including the Amazon Number One best seller "I will Make You Click!"

You can find out more about him via his website: www.jamespreece.com

Let's hear what he has to say about the life of a dating coach.

What life experience made you decide that you would like to be a dating coach?

James PreeceI used be an actor years ago and helped out hosting singles parties as a way to make extra money. I found I was great at bringing people together and decided to make it a full time career. The events were also a good way to get dates for myself, so I was able to get lots of dating experience at the same time!

What was your dating life like before you became a dating coach?

I dated hundreds of women before I became a dating coach. It was frustrating as I never thought I'd find someone I truly clicked with. However, all that changed when I met my wife. I knew she was the one almost straight away and we've been together for almost nine years now. Once we were together I knew I had to teach everything I knew to others, so I could help them too.

How does being a dating coach affect your own love life? Do you apply the same rules and matching techniques to your own dating habits?

I'm lucky to have a very trusty and understanding wife! I have to be on call for my clients all through the day and night in case they need me. Sometimes, it's almost as if I'm going out on the dates with them. I'm always learning new things from all my clients, so I do try and remember them for my own relationship.

If I tell a client that they should be doing something then I have to make sure it's something I'd be equally happy to do.

What is the most important thing when giving relationship advice to your client?

I think it's important that while I'm always friendly and respectful, they are paying me to tell them the truth. If they have unrealistic expectations or are doing something completely wrong, they I have to put them straight. I think deep down they know what has to be done anyway, but hearing if from a dating expert makes the difference. Once we've worked through this then they will make dramatic progress.

What is the most asked question from your client? And why?

I Will Make You Click by James Preece

"Where are all the decent men/women hiding?" Despite having so many options, many professional singles are still struggling to meet each other. They might be getting dates, but not with the sort of people they really want to end up with. This can lead to confusion and frustration.

Do you have some requirements for your clients?

I only work with clients who are will to take on board my suggestions and do what I suggest. The good thing is most people only come to me once they've already made the decision to get some help. As long as they agree to follow the plan I put together for them, then we will work together until they see results.

Is there a universal strategy that works for all dating advices?

Every person is different, so I have to plan a new strategy for each person. Of course there are many things that I suggest to clients, such as booking some singles events or joining an online dating site. However, everyone has their own unique dating and life experiences so I have to create something special for each one.

Is there a specific trait that prevents someone from having a successful relationship?

Lack of confidence can seriously damage your chances of having a happy relationship. Unfortunately, this can happen after a bad break up or rejection. The important thing to remember is that everyone is a little shy – but some people can hide it better. I often help people build their confidence and realise how much they have to offer a potential partner.

How have apps such as Tinder and online dating sites changed the way of dating?

They have changed dating completely – both in a good way and also bad too. They have opened up massive opportunities and make it easier than ever to find a partner quickly. The downside is that I believe it's made many singles fussier and more confused that ever. They are spoilt for choice when it comes to choosing both a site/app and when they are looking for a match.

They don't feel they need to invest as much time getting to know someone as there will always be another person ready to meet. This means they are missing out as they aren't giving potential partners long enough to get to know each other.

If there’s one piece of advice you’d have for singles who are looking for a partner, what would it be?

You have to like yourself before you can convince anyone else to like you back. Happiness, confidence and fulfilled lives are attractive qualities and once you have those then you'll find a partner quickly. So work on yourself to make sure you are having a great time and feeling your best. This might mean hitting the gym, buying a new wardrobe or learning some new skills.

If you feel you would like some extra help, then you should definitely seek out a dating coach too!

Our dating coach interview does not end here. Check back our blog next week and read the dating and relationship advice from Mike Goldstein, a top dating coach who always brings the 100% satisfaction to his client. And if you miss our last interview Sheri Maas, do not forget to check it out as well.

Love and Herpes— My Experience With Online Dating and STDs



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by Richard | 4:31 p.m. | July 22nd 2016

Dating in the era of “swipe left” is hard enough as it is without having to worry about STDs. Yeah, we were all taught the risks of sexually transmitted diseases in health class back in eighth grade, but how many of us were actually paying attention at the time? (I’m not even sure I fully understood what sex was back then, if we’re being honest.) Or maybe, like me, you just assumed that the only people who had STDs were promiscuous, unintelligent, careless or on drugs. Smart people didn’t get STDs. People who went to college and paid their bills on time and took care of themselves didn’t get STDs. Boy, was I wrong.

What are STDs?

Before we get into the details of how I ended up with an STD— me, the responsible one, the one that always looked twice before crossing the street and never left home without hand sanitizer, let’s do a quick refresher course on STDs. STDs, or sexually transmitted diseases, are a category of infections diseases that spread from person to person through sexual contact. There are some of the most common contagious diseases on the planet, with over 20 million new cases popping up each and every year. Common STDs you’ve probably heard about are chlamydia, genital herpes, gonorrhea and HIV/AIDs just to name a few. Severity it STDs range from those that are cured with a simple antibiotics prescription, to those that are incurable and have lifelong symptoms, to those that are incurable and cause death. Yes, death. So they’re no joke, and you really have to be careful and protect yourself if you want to be safe.

Genital Herpes — Initial Visits to Physicians’ Offices, United States, 1966–2013

Genital herpes—Initial visits to physicians’ offices: United States, 1966–2013 statistics from cdc.gov

Meeting Mr. Right

Fast forward to April the year I turned 26. I had graduated college, gotten a great entry-level job, had my own apartment and generally had my life together. The only thing missing was a significant other. So I ventured into the world on online dating, not really expecting much, but hoping to find Mr. Right nonetheless. And to my utter surprise, I found him after only having to endure three dates with completely awful Mr. Wrongs. It was magic. It was a miracle. It was perfect— until suddenly it wasn’t. About three months into the relationship, I developed an extremely painful rash “down there.” These harsh, red, irritated, inflamed chicken pox-like spots appeared with a vengeance. They were itchy. They were painful. It hurt when I moved. It hurt when I peed. I knew I was in trouble.

Getting Diagnosed

In a panic, I booked an appointment with my gynecologist. What was wrong with me? Where did these spots come from? If I had been smart, I’d have realized what was going on right away. But like i said, I considered myself to be smart, responsible, careful. The thought that I had an STD never even crossed my mind. So when the doctor declared I had genital herpes, I almost fell off my chair. Herpes? Genital herpes? How on earth did I have herpes? I had actually had a long, intense, awkward conversation with Mr. Right about his health the first time he proposed having sex without a condom. I blatantly refused until he promised me up and down, backwards and forwards that he was clean.

And now here I was, sitting in a flimsy dressing gown on a table covered in crinkly paper facing the diagnosis of genital herpes. What was going through my mind? For starters, murder. I wanted to kill Mr. Right. He had lied to me about his STD. He had turned me from a responsible upstanding woman into trashy damaged goods overnight. He was going to pay.

?broken flowers - from Hartwig HKD, flickr.com

"He had turned me from a responsible upstanding woman into trashy damaged goods overnight"

The Confrontation

I had it all planned out in my head. I was going to call him up and ask him to come over to my place as calmly as possible. Then I was going to play nice when he walked in so that he suspected nothing. Then I was going to launch my attack. What really happened is I got him on the phone and immediately burst into tears. I loved this man. I was mad at him, yes, but I also wanted his support. I was blubbering so hard, I couldn’t even manage full sentences. He was on his way to my place before I hung up the phone.

The murderous confrontation I imagined never happened. Instead, he calmly and rationally listened to me talk about my day at the doctor’s office. He was shocked, upset and apologetic as I accused him of lying to me, of infecting me with a nasty STD, of wanting to have sex without a condom when he knew perfectly well what was going to happen. He was so calm. Why wasn’t he embarrassed? Why wasn’t he ashamed? Why was he just sitting there comforting me with a look of shock on his face instead of running for the hills? Didn’t he know we were through? Didn’t he know I was about to murder him?

His Confession

I spent that entire night waiting for his confession so that I could yell, scream, throw a fit, maybe even throw a punch. But as it turned out, he had no more idea what was going on than I did. It took multiple trips to the doctor’s office to discover that Mr. Right is somewhat of an anomaly. He doesn’t have genital herpes himself in the sense that he experiences the symptoms of the disease, but he’s a carrier for genital herpes and can pass it on to others. Being a fine, upstanding, responsible guy himself (probably why I had fallen head over heels for him), I was the first girl he had had unprotected sex with. He didn’t know to warn me. He didn’t know he was putting my health in danger. He didn’t know he had an STD.

confession - image taken from Mister G.C., flickr.com

"He didn’t know to warn me. He didn’t know he was putting my health in danger. He didn’t know he had an STD"

The Aftermath

I wish I could say his ignorance made it easier for us to deal with the situation; unfortunately, I felt like damaged goods, and he felt guilty. And in a cruel twist of fate, we had to be more careful than even when having sex. Because even though he gave the disease to me initially, it was actually possible for me to give it back to him in a way that would cause him to finally experience symptoms. So that meant condoms, condoms and more condoms, even after we got engaged— even after we got married. Having a partner with an STD, particularly an incurable one like genital herpes, is a struggle. There’s no impromptu sex. If we’re out somewhere and there’s no condom, it’s not going to happen. I can’t risk spreading my STD back to him. I won’t let it happen. I’ve long since gotten over my shame and guilt. I’ve long since gotten over the idea that only sluts or whores get STDs. And even though I have this incurable, permanent condition that flares up from time to time, I feel lucky. I found Mr. Right. I found someone that was willing to deal with what happened head on.

Once we sorted through the details and realized I was the one that could spread the STD back to him, he was supportive and understanding. He was never grossed out, never scared to get intimate with me. But I can only imagine that if we hadn’t been nearly engaged at the time that this all happened that it might have been a completely different situation.

Safe Sex Matters

It had never occurred to me that it was possible to get an STD, and an incurable one at that, if you followed the rules and asked all the right questions. I know my story isn’t the norm— being an asymptomatic carrier for genital herpes is extremely rare. And I got the happy ending with Mr. Right, the white dress, picket fences and all that, just with a slight caveat. I’d do it all again, too, if I had the chance. Just know how important it is to be safe in today’s world. Ask your partner about their sexual history and sexual health. If possible, take your partner to do STD testing. It’s going to be an uncomfortable conversation. It’s going to be awkward. But if it means you can avoid contracting a devastating STD, it’s worth it. If the guy bolts because you asked him a few personal questions, he isn’t worth it in the long run. And if you already have an STD and are looking for love, know that the right guy is out there and that you can be safe.

How to Know if You Have an STD video from plannedparenthood.org

I’ve been with Mr. Right for ten years now, and he still only carries herpes asymptomatically. It’s possible. The right person, the one that loves you and wants to be with you, will deal with the inconveniences and will make the exceptions to be safe. If Mr. Right had told known to tell me about his condition, I still would have been with him. I would have made the sacrifices needed to stay with him and stay safe. The right guy will. Wait for him. Remember, you can always “swipe left.

Love the article? Do not forget to read "The Love of My Life Has Manic Depressions" as well. It is a life experience from a women who marry a guy with Manic Depression.

Do you have a love story related to sickness dating? Don't just keep it to yourself. Contact us to write for the Cupid's Library community and help share knowledge for the benefit of all. We are waiting to share your story!

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