Whether you're dating a transwoman or becoming a transman yourself, there are a few unspoken rules in the world of transgender dating. Here are just 10 tips for keeping your foot firmly out of your mouth.
1. Be Honest
Don't misrepresent yourself either online or in person. If you're pre-op, say so. If your breasts are actually body foam, bring up cross-dressing over coffee and see how your partner reacts. You don't have to give away all your secrets on the first date, but the longer you wait to share certain truths, the harder they'll be to swallow.
2. Know the Lingo
Not every transwoman is a drag queen. Not every transman considers himself gay. Before you take your first steps in alternative dating, make sure you understand all the terminology that goes with it. For example, if you don't know what "cissexual" means or what the acronyms BA, GCS or HRT stand for, it's time to do some research before you embarrass yourself in front of that beautiful VGV TG.
3. Avoid Inflammatory Language
In the same vein as the above, nothing will turn people off faster than a dating profile declaring its interest in "sexy shemales" or "hot trannies." Transpeople aren't objects, and unless you're on a seriously kinky website, most will resent being treated as such. Stay as courteous and respectful as you would on any other dating platform.
4. Talk About Kinks
Not every transwoman likes to be spanked while listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall, but if you catch that lucky lady, you're going to be pretty embarrassed if you don't know anything but the missionary position. Discuss your kinks before heading into the bedroom. Again, you don't have to share everything right away, but it's a good idea to make sure you're sexually compatible before attempting actual sex.
5. Don't Ask About the Plumbing
This applies to both cispeople and transpeople who are dating someone like them. Don't ask about genitalia! It implies that you don't care how smart, funny or interesting they are; you're only interested in what they keep in their pants. Don't talk about parts unless they bring it up first or show interest in the topic. It's an important exchange to have, certainly, but it's one that can wait until the second or third date when you're more comfortable with each other and open to the idea of an actual relationship.
6. Date from the Right Circles
Heterosexual couples may be able to find love in the produce section, but it's a little more difficult for transpeople. Whether you're trans yourself or just interested in dating that way, you might want to stick to alternative dating websites or gay-friendly places in your neighborhood. That way you'll be able to pick from a pool of LGBT singles instead of just catching someone's eye over the oranges and hoping fervently that they're not a bigot.
7. Allow for Some Uncertainty
Transwomen weren't raised as women, so they might be a little sensitive or insecure in their femininity. They might also go in the opposite direction and be very brash and aggressive. When dating a transwoman, the key is to be open and accepting no matter where they are on the path of self-acceptance. Let them figure things out for themselves. Your role is just a supportive one in their journey.
8. Apologize for Your Mistakes
It's easy to mix up terms and pronouns even if you're transgender yourself. The important thing is that you don't linger on or try to justify your gaffe. For example, if you call your date "gay" but they consider themselves heterosexual in the wrong body, don't get into a 30-minute argument about terminology. Apologize, respect their label and move on. You could be doing something romantic instead of squabbling about semantics.
9. Don't Treat Them As An "Other"
The first time you introduce your date as "my transgender girlfriend" will also be the last. For the most part, transpeople are looking for the same kinds of relationships as cispeople, and that means not treating them as exotic commodities or a topic of gossip among your friends. Stop those Victor/Victoria jokes before they even begin. Punch your buddy in the face if he starts to ask about genitalia. Your date will see it as gallant.
10. Stay Safe
It's a dangerous world out there, especially for transpeople who meet online. Take precautions while looking for The One. Meet in a public place for your first date; have a friend awaiting your call at a certain hour; don't go anywhere with someone if they make you uncomfortable. Look out for red flags in their language, too. Some transpeople have yet to accept themselves, so if you notice any alarming or self-loathing phrases, get out before you wind up in The Silence of the Lambs.
- Anatomy of Tinder
- Who Uses Tinder and Why
- Tinder Updates and Portrayal in Media
- How to Get the Most out of Tinder
- Tips & Strategies for Choosing the Best Display Photos
- Cardinal Rules When Using Tinder: A Dos and Don’ts Strategy Guide to Deploy
- Final Words and Wisdom
Players and power daters can rejoice in the birth of Tinder. This application has truly upgraded the male capacity to unrelentingly score with legions of stunning women. The old ways of seeking cute girls in person are over! It cannot be overstated how transcendental this program is for hooking up, but first, here are the basics:
After being developed by InterActiveCorp, it was given a limited run on college campuses. The first test launch occurred in May 2011. This successful implementation started with a legendary pilot run at the University of Southern California. Because the program has gained extreme popularity, a lot of people want to take credit for its inception. As a result, there are conflicting accounts within the official narrative, but an emerging consensus is that it was made by an expert team of thinkers comprised of Jonathan Badeen, Christopher Gulczynsk, Justin Mateen, Joe Munoz and Whitney Wolfe.
The application's clever name refers to kindling that ignites the first sparks of an intense burning fire. This apt metaphor suits the matchmaking arena masterfully. It adeptly functions on both Android and Apple iOS. Tinder’s universal compatibility with the most prevalent mobile gadgets has enshrined critical acclaim for its ability to unlock massive audiences of single daters. With humble grassroots origins, the website quickly gained notoriety and a global user base.
Tinder rapidly received recognition for its ability to make compatible pairs for short-term flings, long-term affairs, friendships and online connections of all sorts. For the most part, the app relies on Facebook information to locate possible candidates for prospective meetings. In just two short years, the service has accumulated over 10 million users on a daily basis. This huge digital gathering is bolstered by the inclusion of 24 different languages. Foreign fancies are all part of the formula with this software.
Society is witnessing a revolutionary mechanism in the way applications work. Tinder’s home page is concise and engaging. The core function relies on swiping. Profile pictures are displayed in a fascinating game of sorts. Swiping an image to the right signals attraction, and a match is triggered when both participants slide in this direction; however, a dash to the left equals rejection. If either party decides the other is unworthy, all it takes to say no is a single motion. A chat box opens immediately after two members simultaneously swipe positive affirmations.
The Settings tab is remarkably convenient. Options that can be adjusted here include gender preferences (get this one right!), desired age range and geographic proximity. Notification preferences can also be altered here. To get the fastest access to booty, keep the push notification for matches turned on.
Before this crafty menu can be reached, registration is required. Here is a brief overview of the process:
- Step 1: Download the App
- Step 2: Enter Facebook
- Step 3: Clean Up Profile (It will be used, so fix it beforehand)
- Step 4: Enter Tinder Profile Details
- Step 5: Tweak Settings
- Step 6: Start Swiping and Chatting
- Step 7: Get Laid Tonight
Tinder is where the sexy single ladies congregate these days. Titillating goddesses of all ages use this site to have sex with the strangers they meet. There are countless curious whims that can be indulged, and the demographics feature a shocking amount of insatiably horny women. To be blunt, there has never been so much accessible pussy in one place. These girls practically get wet on command, especially for those that know the tools of the Tinder trade.
Wonderfully, there are also a lot of innocent 18 year olds signing up on their birthdays. Tinder has become so notorious that teenagers are anxiously anticipating the day it becomes legal for them to use it. As their registration indicates, they are looking for a truly fun and filthy initiation. College girls also regularly employ the application to fill their study breaks.
The fun is not limited to vivaciously young broads either. As a matter of fact, there are quite a few cougars and MILFs to score with. These mature dames are intuitively experienced in the ways of pleasure, but they are also always on the lookout for something new and exciting. This combination elicits deep carnal connections that are unrivaled among matchmaking services. Tourists also enjoy the application in abundance. It gives them a chance to really get a taste of the local flavor. With Tinder, lovers arrive from all parts of the world.
In short, almost everyone uses Tinder. The range of viable arrangements covers virgin schoolgirls to well-versed divorcees. Fantasy is now a reality as the girl in the screen comes to life. Sex is not the only attraction either. Many girls are simply looking for companionship. Some of the cuties are purely in it for the tease, but most of them follow through with fiery fervor.
Tinder has totally gone mainstream, too. A lot of well-known reputable news sites have embraced the application's culture. Huffington Post has a funny fat suit exposé; meanwhile, Independent presents another Gentleman’s Guide (but it’s not as good as this one).
The smoothest guys can even bag celebrity hook-ups. Even the Italian media is talking about it. Apparently, lucky guys have spotted the likes of Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Katy Perry using the application. A-list actresses and singers need some Tinder love and care. On the other end of the spectrum, even Bill Murray is offering his opinion of Tinder to TIME Magazine, but he is probably not searching for his own “Tinderella”.
News reports have started circulating about a premium Tinder service that is about to launch. Starting in November it will be possible for subscribes to arrange lovers in advance of their travels. Currently, matches are limited to present GPS results, but this advancement will change everything. As a consequence, winter vacations are going to be extra special this year.
1. There are three T's to Tinder: Travel, Travel and Travel! (However, those hoping for tits and tight tushies will not be disappointed.) The easiest way to diversify potential matches is by testing the application in distant regions. To illustrate how much difference a change in setting makes, just imagine the differences between girls from Texas and California. Both are nice with proper expectations in place.
Ultimately, a large percentage of the Tinder population is consistently on the move. This means a lot of the intimate meetings are opportunities that only occur once in a lifetime. Exotic tourists are always stopping by in different places, and this might be their only night in town. Commonly, two people even find out that they are staying at the same hotel or hostel. This makes getting laid as easy as literally going straight down the hallway.
2. Learn the lingo: The three most favorable letters to look for are definitely DTF. Seek out girls that proudly proclaim this notion. For those out of the loop, this stands for "Down to Fuck." No elaboration is needed once this declaration is made, and these feisty girls know how to get straight to the point.
Contrarily, the most dreaded acronyms are a tie between WTF and GTFO. Surprisingly, a few guys don't even know what LOL means. Failing to embrace the simplest phrases of the digital era signals a man that is too out of touch. Never ask for clarification of an acronym. Look it up quickly instead and respond as if you already knew what she meant.
A good response to LMAO might be, "Well, put it back on because you might need it later." Follow it with a winking smile for maximum effect. Insert this kind of sly entendre whenever possible. Tinder girls don’t expect guys to be artful all the time, but a witty remark can distinctively separate one from the crowd of bumbling dummies.
Emoticons will make a positive impression if used sparingly. An occasional smiley is much more impactful than a non-stop barrage of winks.
3. Maximize the advantages of coaxing access to naughty picture libraries. Avid Tinder ladies are known to be armed with a repertoire of sultry pictures available upon request. The sexy shots always show off their finest angles. A lot of the babes are horny enough to share full nudes and compromising sexual content. It can be said from professional experience that female masturbation videos are becoming delightfully prevalent.
If a girl brings up a special talent, it is time to take her up on the offer by asking for proof in the form of a picture or video. She most likely would not be mentioning her knack for dirty fun without expecting to give any evidence. Many times, the naughty documentation has already been made and is ready for distribution. In other instances, she may retort with a welcome invitation to demonstrate her knack for sensual creativity in person. This can only spell good news.
4. Accept rejection and dish it out evenly. Maintaining high standards is clever in the long run, but it might require some patience. Still, it is a better alternative than settling for an affair that might be regretted. The best part is that poor choices are few and far between. This is because the interface knows everyone quite well, and it specializes in masterfully arranging decadent affairs. While the beauties are rated mostly for appearances, their willingness to put out seems to be factored into the equation as well.
Speedy rejections may be gratifying in the short-term, but who really wants to spend another night alone when horny girls are just begging to have fun? When swiping through possible matches, a lot of faces pop up. It may be fun to stamp them with a “No” right away, but hastiness might actually be a bad move. Have a couple of drinks before turning down a sassy woman just for her profile picture. She might be a lot nicer looking in person.
5. Be honest. Lies get guys nowhere. Misconceptions about height and age will be hugely detrimental. It is smart to simply own any conceived faults. Sometimes, they can work out to a man's advantage. For example, there is no reason to be shy about baldness; in fact, a lot of really hot girls find a shaved head to be a gigantic turn on. In the same vein, telling the truth about age can even lead to amazing relationships with young girls that desire a distinguished silver fox in the bedroom.
6. Make an effort to not reply immediately every time. This will cultivate a persona of alluring mysteriousness. Slowing down the messaging process also gives men a chance to see if their match is truly intrigued. If she is truly feeling the need to get intimate, the messages will keep coming to make sure a disconnection hasn’t occurred. It can make them feel like they’re being overly talkative, which is a great position to place them in. This situation makes them feel slightly embarrassed from seeming too fast or desperate, so they will be eagerly waiting for evidence otherwise. Here’s proof of how it works.
These actual messages started coming in from a girl that was too hot to be in anybody’s league. This angelic creature was simply gorgeous beyond belief. Coming up with articulate responses was difficult just gazing at her luscious features and plump curvature. The distractions slowed down all responses, but this worked to an ultimate advantage.
She started with, “God I love a man that cooks.” (Note the reference to an activity that was listed in hobbies and shown in pictures.)
After a few minutes she received, “Good, because I love a lady with an appetite.”
The onslaught quickly followed. First, she sent: “Give me everything on the menu.” Before any response could be crafted, she added: “I’ll try a little of everything.” After that, it was, “I bet you could really fill me up.” This was coupled with, “I can give you a tasty treat too.” After almost 10 minutes without an acknowledgement, she quipped, “It appears I might have run my mouth off a little long. I tend to get carried away and go on forever. Sorry.”
This was the moment to pounce! “You can get carried away with your mouth anytime, there’s nothing to be sorry about. Can you really go on forever? That would be amazing. But I’m more than a little long...” Without going into details, this exchange culminated in a transcendental session of oral sex within the same hour, and that was just the start. Dinner soon followed.
7. Derogatory terms should rarely be used, but certain words elicit powerful responses in a playful context. In fact, a ton of feminists have embraced the terms "slut" and "bitch". If spoken with permission, these phrases can enhance the flirtatious dialogue. In fact, it is the antiquated lingo that can get a guy in trouble. Old-fashioned phrases like "darling" and "dear" are out of touch in today's hook-up world. Indeed, many of these women are self-described sluts, and they are looking for attractive males to certify this status. Despite their knack for naughty language, these women consider themselves to be liberated, educated and uninhibited.
Sexual undertones are inevitable, so guys that are with the program have to know how to go with the flow. Even without trying to invoke double entendre, it is going to happen anyway. The smartest route is to casually embrace it. Watch how it works:
"Do you mind if I come over?"
"I'd prefer it if you came under."
"I'll be there soon. But it's cold outside."
"That's why you should come inside."
"Should I wrap up?"
"Only for the cold baby, not for me ;)"
8. Communication has never been so open and expressive. This unrestrained outlet for written discourse allows pairs to discover the goodies before any investment is made. Guys should be tactfully clear about their interests. Girls will happily reciprocate this ability to discuss erotic impulses without shame or judgment. It really is a beautiful thing. Straightforwardness is absolutely the norm here. Being blunt works unexpectedly well, but only if the crass statements are accompanied by a smoldering profile picture. Overall, images speak louder than words on Tinder. Choosing a tactful assortment of pics is a complex art, but the entire process is demystified below.
1. Emphasize a sensitive nature to increase approachable appeal. With pictures that showcase personal interests and pastimes, it is always wise to strike a perfect balance between unique and relatable. Images illustrating joyous interactions with animals can be a huge plus, but pictures snapped with children for the same purpose can backfire. Their youthful appearance makes men look older by comparison no matter what, and it can be impossible to dispel the notion of being tied down by fatherhood even if the kid belongs to someone else.
With pets, the animal in question is important. Kittens and puppies are chick magnets. These traditional choices are usually the best options for attracting stable females. Men that show off obscure wildlife are bound to earn the notice of weirder females. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is something to be aware of. Mainly, anything too far out of the ordinary will merely make it look like the guy is trying too hard. This damning impression cannot be shaken off, so it’s wise to maintain realistic settings and occurrences. Staged pictures are a terrible idea because they only present a stiff caricature instead of sensitivity.
2. Mix up debonair appearances frequently. Show a variety of facial expressions. A common mistake that guys make typically involves striking the same smile in every picture despite partaking in a multitude of activities. Women find a limited emotional capacity to be a major turn off in any venue, and Tinder girls are no different. Utilize a variety of different styles and looks. Try not to repeat outfits within the library of uploaded pictures. Even if the suit is dashing, it should not be shown more than once. A lack of varied fashions will be severely unappetizing.
Also, get a haircut. It will show. Girls can subconsciously detect the effort, and it will be duly rewarded.
3. This tenet cannot be stressed enough: Be self-possessed and dominant. Sexy ladies have a tendency to go for an alpha male, so a smart dude will include pictures of social situations that clearly depict them being the center of attention. Commanding a large audience in a respectful manner will quickly woo these divas' hearts and wet their panties. There are a lot of professions and hobbies that enable this desirable perception quickly. For example, professors are lucky to have subordinate students on hand to pose for this kind of picture any time. Anyone that occupies a leadership role should use the authority to get action. This kind of Darwinian scenario cannot be faked!
4. Unspoken protocol dictates that every guy should post a shirtless photo. One is usually enough or two if there is a lot of muscular definition to capture. Anyone offering more than a pair of bare torso photos will find the outcomes unfavorable. Shirtless photos should usually not be selfies. It is much better is display a hot bod in natural settings. An easy way to accomplish this feat is by photographing casual times at the beach or pool. Bonus points will be earned if less attractive individuals of the same gender are framed in the shot. A little uneven juxtaposition never hurt anybody (except the other guy, but it’s his fault for being chubby).
Manscaping should probably be discussed here too. Overall, basic grooming skills are a must, but any excessive involvement with the hobby may be construed as narcissism. The bottom line is that all body hairs should be kept clean and tidy. Girls might leave if they uncover an unruly jungle below the belt. To indicate that everything is finely coiffed, show off a trimmed line of hair descending from the belly button into the pants. This primed packaging will entice ladies by letting them know the goods are in perfectly presentable condition. If managing the body hair is too much work, just get a wax treatment already. It will have the same illustrious effect and appeal.
5. This is a very important rule: Nix the party photos! It is an undeniable fact that goddesses avoid men that might embarrass them, so attempts to show laid back fun can fail by indicating a willingness to make a complete fool of oneself. Promptly remove any content that appears slobby or immature. Intoxication is a bad move, especially when illegal drugs are involved. No one wants to get busted because of Tinder. Photographically documented inebriation will sacrifice any pretense of being classy. Images showing interactions with other women are also heavily discouraged. For some inexplicable reason, too many Tinder guys decide to include a shot of themselves being enamored with a scantily clad companion. These photos even depict a mindless stare at a rack or derriere. Then, they have the nerve to wonder why they don’t get any action. The gall is hilarious and appalling.
6. Use subtle accessories to flaunt wealth and status. A little bling can go a long way, so resist the urge to overdo it on the jewelry. A simple gold chain or diamond earring will do the trick. Too much flair can manifest a feminine appearance, and this will leave ladies running for the hills. A guy should never have more jewels than his woman. This is cocky, selfish and backwards.
Make sure to include at least one full body shot. This will quickly confirm details about height and weight, but the most crucial benefit of this picture comes from the capacity to illustrate a powerhouse fashion ensemble. Women place a lot of importance on the social value of good shoes, so the fanciest leather kickers in the wardrobe should be worn in this photo. After being nearly naked in some other scans, being dressed to the nines will actually be quite refreshing.
7. Stay current. Submitting outdated pictures is a distasteful faux pas. Guys expect the same decency of women to post current pictures of their bodies, but they often fail to return the favor. A good rule of thumb is the two-month rule. Any image that is over two months old should be excluded from use on Tinder. This is because so many little transformations can occur in just eight weeks. The only way to prevent disappointed gals is by showing them what they are getting right from the start. Facebook profile integration can often disprove content in poorly manufactured profiles, so honesty expectations are uniquely necessary in the realm of display pictures. Speaking of Facebook: Un-like old interests, and clean up the relationship section.
If a girl is planning a date with a 20 year-old, the man arriving at age 40 is going to be an unwelcome sight. Pretending that the pictures are current will only make her aggravation worse upon meeting. This kind of encounter should be avoided altogether. There are a lot of fine sweethearts out there that need an older man's touch, but they are being deprived while the mature fellows chase disinterested divas with deception. Break this cycle immediately. Advertise a grey receding hairline, and a supple sugar baby might just appear out of thin air.
8. About dirty photos: While these are not necessarily included in the display photos up front, they are still an indispensible piece of a man’s arsenal on Tinder. Expert care and precision must be utilized while handling personal nude photos. Men expecting to receive erotic content must be willing to provide such compromising material in return.
Unless the guy in question is packing considerable heat, full-frontal pictures might be a bad move. Size queens will discard all details in favor of the biggest Johnson, so those with average-sized members should keep them mostly concealed. A good workaround for this can be found through wearing tight underwear that is structured to provide maximum package lift.
Those that are unusually well-endowed will have their pick of the litter. This might not seem fair at first, but the same reasoning applies for the women with the biggest bosoms. It's just the way things are, but the system works out pretty well for most.
Although it seems like a safe haven for buxom broads to post amateur pornography of themselves, the Tinder culture is actually a lot richer. Most digital platforms treat lewd media like the final product, but it is only the start of erotic adventures here. This evolved conceptualization of free love has creating a notorious media reputation.
1. Do discuss fetishes beforehand. No one likes being surprised with an unexpected kink. Keep it simple and don't act like disinterest with the particular activity is a complete deal breaker. Remember, the weirder the request, the harder it will be to find a receptive audience. This is not to say that a responsive female is impossible to find for certain non-vanilla engagements; however, it will be much easier to find amicability if the fetish is common. For example, a foot fetish is much easier to satisfy than humiliation, but there is more than one dominatrix out there too.
2. Do everything to project an image of confidence and self-assuredness. Women find it irresistible when a man seems to have everything in his life under control. Ironically, this drives them out of control (in a good way). Paying attention to all of the little details is the best way to impress.
It is also witty to employ the humble bragging technique. This method eschews pompousness and arrogance, traits which can unfortunately be misconstrued with confidence. Basically, all it takes is a statement of face-value humility that actually turns out to contain tidbits that accentuate status and self-worth. This approach has been tested through actual conversations. Here is one anonymous one that led to some serious action:
“I’m not that special. I’m sure a lot of guys out there spend their time volunteering and giving money to charity. I just like helping the needy, so to speak, but that doesn’t make me more important than anyone else.”
Let us analyze all of the incredible angles covered by this smooth, yet self-deprecating line. Initially, it indicates a casual demeanor combined with approachable kindness and soft-hearted tenderness. Then, it implies a lot of free time and money, which obviously worked to the man’s benefit. Then, it invites a favorable comparison against every other dude in existence. Finally, the self-referentially open-ended phrase about liking to help welcomes some flirty innuendo in return.
Sure enough, the response was: “I’m needy. Would you volunteer to help me?”
Things escalate to a steamy level after merely asking, “What do you need, babe?”
“…For you to fill this.” Needless to say, it was soon accompanied by a picture of her panties being delicately pulled down to reveal a divine destination.
3. Do stay prompt and courteous. The main way to do this is by never waiting more than 24 hours to initiate a hook up. Exceeding this time period basically hits the reset button on the flirtations. This happens because every evening is a race. Once there is a possibility that she has slept with someone else, the entire accord has to start over.
To simplify this concern, get her correspondence off Tinder eventually. This will prevent cross-interference with future hook-up partners while still using the service for new game. Collecting personal contact information is a great way to establish progress, but being pushy is not recommended. If this step does not arise naturally, the union sadly may not be fated.
One truly sensational aspect of Tinder is the proverbial two-line pick-up. With a dash of luck, guys can get in the door with a single line and its response. Here's how its happened once before:
"That little dress fits you perfectly."
"I got something little that will fit you perfectly too."
Boom! That is all it took to get to the next level.
4. Do be proactive and smart. Prospective partners want to start a passionate fling, not a family! Since there is really no way to verify birth control status, protection is recommended. If she can provide a clean bill of sexual health in tandem with an IUD plate, then feel free to bareback by all means. It should not have to be stated, but many guys do not learn this lesson until it happens the hard way: Do not get anyone pregnant! This spells the end of hooking up forever. To stave off this destiny, it’s best to get a vasectomy to remove the risk entirely.
5. Do deliver. Some of these girls are dying to get laid, and their expectations are high. Disappointed lasses will speak loud and clear. A reputation for prudishness or impotence will last long. On the other hand, guys that duly satisfy their Tinder dates usually find more girls becoming interested.
This rule does not just pertain to erogenous enjoyment; in fact, the tenet of fulfilling promises applies to every element of the interaction. For example, an offer to dance cannot be revoked. Men that cannot groove should avoid implying any rhythmic activities other than sex. Another bad move is to back out of cooking after talking up culinary skills. After all the impressive chatter, ordering food will be a colossal disappointment. The only delivery should be of the guarantees granted beforehand.
1. Don't start with obscene picture requests. Be grateful for any erotic content, but avoid treating them with disrespect. Those only looking for an endless plethora of naked photos might want to migrate elsewhere. There is a lot of raunchy material, but it is only intended as build up for something more. The pictures simply allow people to forge a deeper bond before meeting in person. Because they effectively establish primal intimacy, they are a perfect gateway to getting laid. It cannot be stressed enough that these girls should not be treated like webcam models. They are not getting paid for sharing their sexy images; instead, they're trying to uncover a raw mutual attraction for some passionate encounters.
2. Try not to use the application in local regions too frequently. There are a lot of potential conflicts that can occur from relying on Tinder for hometown hook-ups. The biggest issue might be running into friends and family. Because the application utilizes transparency to amplify search engine power, everyone that a guy finds online can find him as well. This can create an outcome of being exposed as a serial dater. Spouses can find out they are being cheated on, and family members will be quickly disillusioned to their son’s chastity and pure nature. Confidential information should be kept for actual hook-ups instead of being advertised within a profile. Even if it turns out that there is no one familiar on Tinder, avid users of the program can quickly exhaust their town’s supply of horny girls. To keep variety flowing, this app should be used in a different location every night. This allows a guy to be a newcomer in an area with a stale male market. When a lone hot man suddenly appears in a repetitively dull field of average Joes, the ladies jump on him with fiery ferocity.
3. Don't be stuck up or condescending. The nature of the app's rejection interface takes care of saying no, so focus on looking for positive experiences. Word spreads fast about mean guys, and this can lead to an unofficial blacklist among the babe community. Avoid negging like a pick-up artist. The opposite approach is much nicer and more effective. Offering small compliments can open the door for unbelievable raunchy flings. For example, “I really like your make-up,” was once greeted with by, “Really? I think I need more cream in my foundation.” She was only 18, but she followed through on her subtle suggestion with the conviction of a much more experienced woman.
4. Don't demand a home meeting immediately. Asking a girl to come directly to a guy's place can be too overt. It may even seem a tiny bit creepy. Similarly, requesting to go straight to her home is also a no-no. Although the date may eventually lead to one of these locations (or preferably a hotel), it is safest to conduct the original in-person introduction at a public location in the daytime.
5. Don't expect commitment and don't meddle with couples. These paths only spell disaster. This is simply not a destination for monogamy; in truth, it is closer to the reverse. Expecting a girl on Tinder to be faithful is very similar to falling in love with a stripper - it’s just not the right dynamic. Also, hot couples may be on tinder advertising their open status, but there can be a lot of drama involved. Unless cuckolding or group sex is of particular interest, stay away from ladies that aren’t truly single. Available women are plentiful, so there is no need to step into this trap. One more thing: never give gifts!
Using Tinder is like the upgraded version of picking up chicks at the bar. Modern technology has truly enhanced mankind’s ability to get down with an endless variety of horny ladies. Their proclivities are exquisitely open-minded, which makes their fine bodies willing and pliable. There is no reason to hesitate when it comes to using Tinder. Meetings are kept private, and members are known to have an unspoken agreement that emphasizes tacitly remaining discreet at every juncture.
The pitfalls of traditional pick-up venues are dreadfully exposed when compared to the cutting-edge convenience of Tinder. First of all, it was formerly impossible to see a girl in the buff before taking her home from the club; now, it is possible to browse through her naked photos at ease. Having access to this tantalizing material up front creates an environment of increased acceptance once the union is being consummated. Disappointment is ruled out because there are no secrets being kept under the clothes.
With a proper understanding of the application, guys can really start racking up conquests. By taking the right approach, the numbers will accumulate fast. Soon it will be impossible to keep track of how many luscious ladies have been personally ravaged thanks to Tinder. More than a few of them are sure to come back for another romp, especially if they were given a good time during the first go around.
This is truly the future of sexual matchmaking. The capacity to fulfill fantasies is endless. Dry spells are over once and for all. Tinder makes it possible to never spend another night alone. Sexing new potential hook-ups can occupy any player’s attentions during the rare times a Tinder girl is not lounging in their bed. All seven nights of the week can be spent with just as many exotic companions (or more!).
The early stage of a new relationship is always the best. Everything is exciting and fresh and feels great – even the things one may generally find annoying, like snoring, is cute in the beginning. Then the relationship grows, and suddenly, you have to get chummy with your man's college buddies, basketball teammates, or whoever else he goes out with on Friday night boozefests.
Most men have a wolfpack – a group of friends that are inseparable and enduring. A guy without a group of core friends would leave me questioning a lot of things, so I've learned to accept it as a fact of a dude's life. Dating a guy with a tight group of bros usually means being friends with his buddies who have been there for him through frat parties, Southeast Asia backpacking, and whatever bromantic escapades they've been through which turned them into bros for life.
There are some distinctive characters in almost all wolfpacks, and it takes us girls all of the love we have for our man to deal with them. Who are they?
The guy who is always single. He may claim to be 'in a relationship' from time to time. He will show photos of hot dates, but they will most likely be snaps of him hovering over the really drunk girl at the bar. He is usually the guy who drinks 'til he has to be sent home. He will say the most inappropriate things and get all touchy, while hitting incessantly on all your friends. When he speaks there will be a rain of spit accompanied by the smell of tequila and tobacco. This is the guy who also claims to have all the connections, money and power to fix things and help in every complex situation – but when it comes to doing, he's nowhere to be found. The most annoying thing about him is that he insists on being super close to all of your man's ex-girlfriends, and never fails to mention how you're the best among them all, like that makes any difference to you. Whenever he's around, you protect your friends and yourself and set your patience meter to high. You sometimes feel duty-bound to set him up and point him towards the direction of proper dating avenues so that he'd quit distributing his calling card to your single gal pals.
The one who likes to earn social currency. This one always takes photos when everyone hangs out. He may not participate in conversations but he'll be everywhere at once. His Facebook is usually full of albums of people he has been out with. He goes everywhere the gang is going whether he's invited or not, and the next day, there's an album on Facebook and he's tagging everyone from the party so they feel obligated to invite him the next time. That strategy does not always work. He may or may not have a girlfriend, but he's mostly checking out all the girls, saying inane things to your man such as 'Dude, did Emma get a boob job? Her knockers sure look huge!' He does it in front on his girlfriend too, and sadly she usually has something to add to it. This one is harmless, though, and the best thing is you sometimes get some good pictures of you and your man from this guy.
The pansy. All the others make fun of him and order him around. He takes it like the doormat he is, and is always a good sport about it. He will open doors for everyone, light your cigarettes, get everyone's drinks from the bar, but he will never pick up the tab. You may be left wondering if this guy is a friend or someone they keep around for entertainment. He really doesn't do anything with his life and is always a phone call away, 24/7. He is always at their beck and call you almost wonder if he’s secretly in love with your guy, but then he just doesn't dress well enough as to send your gaydar ringing. He usually never has an original opinion and agrees with what everyone says, even as he squirms visibly every time he has to nod his head in agreement to whatever is being talked about.
The introvert. He's the quiet one who is always calm and collected. He's nice but he doesn't share much. He usually has a girlfriend he's been dating forever but you rarely see them being affectionate. He laughs at the right jokes and behaves like a gentleman, but he just doesn't contribute to conversations. You don't quite know if you should trust him or if he's just observing everyone and mocking them in his head. When this guy is not dating someone, you rarely see him with a girl, except at the very end of the night, when he's going home he's got a girl wrapped around him. He is the token geek in the pack.
The ‘girl’ friend. The first thing you notice about her is that she's pretty. She is also accomplished, usually single, and has probably slept with almost all of the pack. You can never really know for sure because no one talks about it, but you can sense it with your womanly instincts. Your man swears there has never been anything between them and the girl friend, but every time you see her with any of the guys, you can't help but wonder. You hate her the most because you like her so much. She gives great advice and is a super fun company although sometimes she becomes the scene-stealing fifth wheel, especially in photos. If she's around, it's almost impossible to have a photo taken with your man without her doing something silly at the back and photo-bombing. You keep this one close because the alternative would just be much worse. You secretly suspect her of having an Ashley Madison account and being its queen.
While those five characters would be the most common ones, there are others who may also fill in for one of the major players. There is the guy who is married and who may even have kids. He's the one who insists that the answer to all problems is to get married and have kids because it's the 'best thing to do', yet he looks ten years older than his age and him and his wife are most of the time struggling to smile. Then there's the perfect couple: always together, always smiling, looking perfect. That's all there is to them. They seldom make appearances and you never know when you will see them next.
When I'm with my man, I adapt to his world and surroundings, more often than I'd like to. I make room for people who, under different circumstances, I would rather kick in the shin or not pay any attention at all. Sometimes, accommodating these people feels natural and ends up being fun. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I tolerate it. When I'm with my gaggle, I could only wonder what my man goes through.
You’ve met a nice guy and he’s everything you’ve been looking for in a potential partner, except for one thing: he’s an atheist. And you’re not. Before kicking this fine specimen of manhood to the curb, why not take some advice from someone who’s been in your shoes?
While my fine specimen and I didn’t manage to make it into the sunset, the reasons for our eventual split had absolutely nothing to do with his religion or lack thereof. Being an atheist is just one facet of a person and it was those other facets that got us into problems. Therefore, as a Christian woman, if I met another atheist, I wouldn’t hesitate to date him based on that one criterion and neither should you. However, there are some hints to make your ‘God/no God’ relationship work.
If you disagree on something as fundamental as to whether or not there is a God, surely it’s all downhill from there, right? Wrong. As someone who’s dated on both sides of that particular divide, I can tell you I’ve had more issues over what flavor of Christianity I practice, than the fact I practice at all. The atheist I dated, and the ones I’ve talked to tend to have a ‘live and let live’ philosophy rather than a ‘let’s convert all the believers’ stance.
I found that dating an atheist is not conflict-filled and the discussions I have had over the existence of a higher power have only strengthened my personal belief rather than destroy it. I found that a major pro, either not discussing religion at all or being able to discuss it in a reasonable, rational way, rather than having an impassioned argument over whose religion is right.
My Christianity is personal and thus is not discussed with everyone, but for some of the more evangelical sects, this might not be possible. As devoted as you are to your God, so are most atheists to their ‘no God’. Just as most atheists are of the ‘live and let live’ mindset, so must you be if you are a Christian dating an atheist.
The agreement I reached with my atheist was simple: I wouldn’t try to convince him there is a God, if he wouldn’t try to convince me there isn’t. It's a tricky, unholy situation, but it could work. If such a divide is not for you, then dating an atheist might not be for you, ever.
But you are about to go on a date with a really hot atheist and so naturally, you want to make it work. How?
I can’t give you all the answers as every relationship is different but I can give you some tips on what worked for me with my Richard Dawkins-loving, atheist ex-lover. And I hate even calling him that as it makes it sound as if that was all there was to him, and that’s my first tip. As I stated above, we are made up of many different characteristics and beliefs and being an atheist is just part of that. If you can’t get beyond his beliefs or lack thereof, then the going is going to be a bit rough. My first bit of advice is to agree to disagree and move on. With my ‘friend’, some things were just non-negotiable. He knew I’d be saying grace before I ate and I knew he wouldn’t. He respected me enough not to begin eating until I was done praying and I respected him enough to accept the fact he wouldn’t be bowing his head to join me praying.
This was part of the give and take in our relationship and actually all relationships. No two people look at the world the same way and wouldn’t it be boring if we did? Therefore, my second tip to you is to learn the art of compromise.
It is no secret that dating an atheist as a Christian can be a challenge, but it can be rewarding as well. If you're feeling extra-adventurous, maybe you could expand your horizons and date a Jew, Muslim, or a Hindu.
Normally, I wouldn't bother with what non-believers have to say about their lack of faith or just about anything else, really. Having been in a relationship with an atheist made me re-assess my dating options. Mostly, though, I just learned how to turn the other cheek any time a discussion of ours touches upon anything remotely concerning religion. But if you're the kind who can't even stand to be in the same room as a heathen, then it might be best to stick dating with your fellow believers. As for atheists, there is also a special place for them. And no, it is not hell.
There have been articles going around about fat men being better lovers than their chiseled counterparts. I must have seen this in my Facebook timeline at least five times in the past week alone. The article was posted mostly by women who have a certain preference for love handles-having hombres, no-abs males, single guy friends who are known to be beer aficionados, and some opinionated gay guys who beg to disagree. You might have heard of it? If you haven't, read on.
A study was conducted by researchers from a Turkish university that concluded that generously proportioned males take longer to orgasm as a result of having higher doses of the female hormone estradiol in their body – something that fit, gym jocks have less of, perhaps as a result of testosterone surge while pumping iron. Body Mass Index (BMI) plays a major role in the research and according the university's scholars, males with higher BMI – basically, guys whose measure of body fat is higher relative to their weight and height – tend to last longer during intercourse than those with finely sculpted torsos. Suddenly, it doesn't seem very wise to only date fitness buffs.
An entire category of dating is devoted to big beautiful women (BBW) and to the shock of no one, it's a dating niche that is massively popular and is still gaining popularity. There are plenty of BBW dating sites and the user base of these sites are quite large. BBW dating is a niche that is well taken care of and we understand completely why – some men just really tend to prefer their women bigger, or at the very least, not disturbingly thin.
There is of course another subcategory of dating for big guys who date fellow big guys, a niche which is actually quite huge in gay circles. Bear dating is a separate universe all on its own and that group is known to be a little exclusivist. 'Bears' can be quite cliquish as they prefer to date and hang around with fellow bears. Mostly, they are left alone and like other well-established cliques, they have many places they can go, whether online or offline. Big Handsome Men dating sites, on the other hand, also exist but they are far less prominent and much lesser in number than BBW or Bear dating sites.
BBW Cupid is one of the top places to go when looking for big-beautiful fun. The site is commendable for putting together a community of people looking to date singles with oversized personalities. It is one of the most popular and one of the best big-beautiful sites – user-friendly features, reasonable membership fees, and respectable number of users. There are BHM there too but you kind of get the feeling that such sites cater more towards men who are looking for voluptuous ladies.
Even without science and scholarly research to back them up, the fact is that there has always been a market for big men, and sites dedicated to Big Handsome Men dating ought to increase and get the kind of exposure it deserves. Maybe the big dating networks such as Cupid Media and FriendFinder could put up more BHM-oriented sites and address ladies' needs for chunky male companions. What could separate these types of BHM sites from the usual ones is that they will cater to females who may not necessarily be big themselves.
It's not a very novel idea, but given that that BHM dating market is not as saturated as other niches, the possibilities for growth and popularity are endless.
There is a perfectly scientific explanation as to why and how males with higher female hormones are better in the art of love-making, but the long and short of it is that heavy men could last an average of 7.3 minutes while fit guys come shorter at only 1.8 minutes. In even plainer terms, heavy men are less likely to have premature ejaculation than lean guys. It doesn't sound like much, and for those who have strict preference for toned men, this finding is probably not going to persuade them to change preference, but for those who have been championing the cause of large dating, this is newsworthy indeed.
I got a big wake-up call when I got back into the dating world a few years ago after a divorce. My friend told me that it was not the same old world that it was when I was out there dating. I was confused. Apparently, my friend was trying to tell me nicely that I was not going to find a lot in the way of quality guys because I didn't pass the beauty yardstick test. I was confused because I do not see myself as ugly. I'm overweight but not exactly bound to my bed and unable to breathe when I move. I carry myself with dignity and grace and I always wear flattering clothes and not sweats or pajamas to Wal-Mart.
Truth be told, though, I know what she meant. Physical beauty does wonders for one's dating and love life. Men and even women are called shallow when they're upfront about wanting a good-looking person on their arm to wear as an accessory or as long-term mate. I talked to a few of my friends about it and oddly got very different responses.
Humans, when in a loving relationship or entertaining the idea of one, nearly always give a brief thought to what their kids would look like. The truth is that initial attraction is not going to be based on the fact that you are quite the mathematician or that you've read the bibliography of Fyodor Dostoyevsky. If you have crooked or missing teeth and pimples and just generally look unkempt, you have got to work hard to make excellent first impressions on dates, if you have plans of ever propagating your gene pool.
Inner beauty is something that will later come into play, but without the outer sheen, you do not stand as much chance of getting more than a booty call and a promise of a phone call that might just never come.
There are many ways to enhance your physical appearance – the true selling point of your genes. Some will argue that you can't fix ugly, but you could transcend the first date-last date phenomenon you may have been experiencing all your life due to lack of allure. These are some little things that might increase your chances of standing out above the rest of average-lookers:
- Learn a little about applying makeup. Attempting to look good is not going to work in your favor if you apply it like a circus clown in drag.
- Wear clothing that accentuates your body type; there are a million websites out there that detail what will compliment your shape and work in your favor. Avoid clothing that is too tight and not appropriate to your age.
- Hair is not designed to be ten feet tall and stiff as a board, so women, pay attention. If you are going to wake up next to some guy repeatedly, please know that men do not want their eye poked out by hair sprayed tangles. Keep a nice natural hairstyle and it will look just as nice when you wake up and smile at the partner next to you.
- Make sure your teeth are as white and clean as you can and carry breath mints.
If you thought that you are immune to these shallow thoughts, I ask you to consider the last time you were on a date. Did you really choose him because you knew he had valuable insights on the mating habits of the South American jaguar and because he subscribes AND reads The New Yorker, or because he really had a well put together demeanor, had nice prominent glutes, and his dimple just kept flashing as he spoke? Really, go on and analyze it for awhile. If he had looked like an overgrown baboon with a comb-over that passed for hair, would you really have been quite as enamored?
Well-meaning people who are in the business of spouting feel-good sayings would always say that 'beauty is skin deep' or that 'inner beauty is all that matters'. In all likelihood, these are people who are all inner beauty themselves. Some of them could be friends who want to empower you, help you through your self-esteem issues, and that is fine; they are good people to surround yourself with. Although I wouldn't dismiss the value of having a great attitude, an aptitude for nuclear physics, and an above average vocabulary, the truth is that there will be times when you would want to be admired not for your brain but for your rack. As an average-looking person, there is only so much you can do to improve your physical features that would not involve frequent trips to the cosmetic surgeon or dermatologist's clinic or hoping to be reincarnated as Scarlett Johansson. But sometimes, exerting great efforts at polishing your exterior is essential. If and when you get accused of shallowness for valuing outer beauty, reason that you're only thinking about your kids.
Britney Spears was/is on Tinder.
Although her account was created by Jimmy Fallon for The Tonight Show, with a hilarious profile that says, 'This better work, bitch', just for kicks and not to actually help her find a replacement for her recently dumped boyfriend, can you wrap your head around the fact that as you you're using Tinder, the odds of you being swiped right by the legendary Miss Spears, previously a crazy fantasy, has just become a reality?
If you happen to like Britney, will you now raise the hours you spend on Tinder from only four hours to six hours a day in hopes of chancing upon the Toxic singer whose love life, as is it is well known, like yours and mine, can also be complicated, messy and imperfect? Will you hold it against her or will you be anticipating her presence in the massively popular flirting app? Did your own hopes of finding romance just plummeted upon finding out that even Britney Spears – pop music icon, possessor of about 15 talents, and lingerie line owner – has to resort to seemingly innocuous apps for dates?
You have so many questions and that is alright.
The account was probably terminated the minute the episode rolled credits. If she is still on it, however, you may guess that she swipes left more than she does right (as is her right). Britney Spears on Tinder is probably so earth shattering an event and so groundbreaking a celebrity move, you probably hyperventilated when you first heard of it. But to be honest, there is not a lot she can do to shock the general public. Of the many stunts she has pulled, being on Tinder definitely doesn't even count. And besides, it's all just for good, TV-viewing fun. But imagine a parallel universe where Britney Spears, given her woeful dating history, resorts to Tinder to find a date. There, clearly, would be lessons to be learned from such an event happening.
There is absolutely no shame in looking to dating apps and websites for romance. I've been looking at dating sites and dating categories for quite some time and I've noticed that most of those who have tried online dating are still surprised that it actually works. That it still shocks a lot of people that something that is hugely patronized on the internet as a dating website has achieved a staggering amount of success is, in itself, shocking. Of course online dating works. If even the likes of Britney can find it in her heart to join Tinder, why shouldn't you, mere mortal?
Display picture is king (or queen). You can not possibly hope to capture someone's heart or be the cause of fire on someone's loins with your meek-looking, unsexy DP, unless of course, you're Britney.
Carefully crafting a catchy profile shout out is a matter of extreme importance in the attainment of success while on Tinder or any dating app. If despite all efforts you fail at coming up with a DP that screams 'Player' instead of 'Loser', try to win people over with your wit. If you can't dazzle people with your throbbing pecs or biceps, amaze them with your Wildean intellect. For instance, if Britney were to make her own Tinder profile, it would probably say, 'It's Britney, bitch.' Take a cue from the Spears catalogue of outrageous shout-outs, and make your online profiles (dating profiles more importantly) the center of everyone's attention.
The smallest of gestures can mean either disaster or success when dating through an app or a website. If you happened to be on Tinder at the same time that Britney was on it, and she appeared on your swipees AND you swiped left and she swiped right on you, you would spend the rest of your waking hours wishing you were never born a fool who makes such a monumental mistake. Dating and hooking up success on Tinder was previously documented here. If there's one valuable lesson to be learned from being on such a straightforward dating app as Tinder, it is to swipe wisely.
Dating apps are your friends. You can choose to suffer anxieties as a result of being unpopular in your social networks, mope at the lack of likes and retweets and favorites, but in apps such as Tinder, for as long as you remember what you're in there for – to flirt – you won't have to suffer a nervous breakdown.
If you're a put-on-a-show kind of person, you would know that creating a dating app profile shouldn't take the backseat. These are lessons you probably already know, but they are worth reiterating, nonetheless. You really better work it.
Society views a baby daddy in a very negative light. A baby daddy is seen as an unmarried man who usually does not have custody of his kids and often depicted as being averse to paying child support. In reality, a baby daddy is more a man that had a relationship go south and there was, unfortunately, an offspring involved. He is basically a single dad who did not get married.
There is nothing I hate more than being stared at when I'm with my boyfriend, actually fiancé, out in public with his two kids on the weekend. I'm ten years younger than my fiancé who has two kids from a previous relationship. He's mostly seen as just as a baby daddy, but he really is so much more than that. My soon-to-be step-kids are 10 and 14 years younger than I am and people just refuse to face that I am willing to take on that responsibility willingly. My boyfriend tells me to ignore it all but it's tough when I feel that people choose to judge me because of it.
I have been told that he is an irresponsible man and that if he has two kids with a woman he never married, then he's just going to knock me up and, well, I will be left alone raising a kid and he'll skip out on child support. It doesn't matter a whit that I try to explain that he is giving the baby mama most of his paycheck -- they just have too much a negative view of unmarried fathers and no amount of defending can help that.
I want to clear up a few things about dating a baby daddy. There is surely a lot of men out there who do skip out on their responsibilities and ignore the fact that they threw DNA into a cocktail and produced spawns. Those guys are losers and they could all be shot at dawn in my opinion. But at the same time, there are men that do create life and marriage or long-term relationship with a woman they can't stand just doesn't happen to be on top of their priorities list, and that is fine.
See, I was one of those women who thought ill of single dads or "baby daddies", until I met one. Jim opened my eyes by being frank about his new lifestyle ever since becoming a dad. He says that his entire view on life has changed in the past 10 years. Those kids come first and if I want to be a part of his life, I need to remember this.
He laid down the law for me when we began going out. The main point is that life is not easy on weekends for him because the kids come first. I got read the riot act before I even had a chance to protest. I was told not to seek his attention when they were demanding it. Kids get sick and they need to be prioritized and that's just how it is in the life of a baby daddy.
I was told that he loved my spontaneity but that it didn't matter when he has prior daddy commitments. I was taken aback and did not know how to respond at first. He wanted me to entertain the kids and be cool with them when I finally meet them. But at the same time, I was warned not to take a serious step forward on our relationship. When I did finally meet them, I was charmed until the youngest, a six year old, after eating too much cotton candy, threw up on while we were at the zoo. I saw this as the ultimate test to winning my boyfriend's heart. I handled it well and didn't throw up myself.
Throwing away the conventions of a normal relationship when you are 20 was hard for me, but I knew that I had to overcome my partying mentality and learn a new way with my soon-to-be husband. Do not get me started on the fact that I had to meet my fiance's ex and get along with her since he told her he is serious about me. I considered myself lucky because she isn't one of those crazy exes. She was candid in explaining my role in the kids' life, basically, that I would not be a Mom to them. I don't want to be, but I do want them to respect and love me too.
So don't knock someone down before you know their story. Not all baby daddies are child support-evading son of a guns and not all of them will seduce you and leave you with bastard children. Exercise caution when dealing with problems and time constraints which predictably come when dating a man with child. Baby daddy drama is an inevitability but if he's responsible enough and promises to use contraceptives religiously, there's no reason to dodge them completely.
One of the more compelling reasons to date an introvert is that you can enjoy silence like you've never enjoyed it before. Well, not really, but you have to admit that an overpowering amount of silence while on a date can be a welcome break if all the dates you've had are ones where you talk about your horoscope, your favorite Alfred Hitchcock movie, and your views on marriage. Sometimes, you just want to sit, hold on to your ankles and watch the world go by.
Know, first of all, that introverts are not necessarily shy, mute or rude. Their exterior may not reveal much, which can be infuriating or charming depending on your own personality (which could influence how you deal with an introvert), but inside them is fire. Introverts can be a bundle of fun, just not in the typical, boisterous fashion usually exhibited by those who enjoy mosh pits. Due to the limited amount of effort they're willing to expend in socializing and talking about how queer the weather is lately, they are often generally perceived as mysterious loners. In truth, they actually love having meaningful conversations, but mostly with themselves, and if they're feeling generous, in the company of 2-3 trusted friends.
Introverts are often misunderstood as a result of not emitting as much noise as everyone else. They are known to charge internally and so their energy tends to be stored and kept burning within the confines of their own minds. Hating people is not a sign of introversion, but avoiding small talk definitely is. They are often asked to speak up, often asked 'What's wrong?', and as a result, are constantly having their nerves grated because their idea of a social setting is not like in the Oprah Winfrey Show where thoughts and feelings are discussed over an hour-long segment under the harsh glaring lights of television.
Being with an introvert, you discover the soothing effects of not speaking much. There is serenity, peace and an overall aura of calm. There is also awkwardness and in extreme cases, disaster. Sometimes, introvert-extrovert pairings work, such as in the case of precocious cancer couple Hazel Grace Lancaster and Augustus Waters, and sometimes it doesn't, as in the case of Courteney Cox and David Arquette.
You will be surprised that typical dating activities such as going to a movie can produce the best results when dating an introvert. In the cinema, silence is gold. Bringing your introverted date to a movie, especially one with a two-hour running time, is ideal and one of the best ways to start a conversation. If a movie is interesting enough to be talked about – say, it has really graphic decapitation scenes or gratuitous nudity – maybe you'll be lucky enough to hear about what he/she has to say about it rather than reading about it later on his/her Twitter timeline, where your presence in the witnessing of said movie would be completely dwarfed by the greatness of the film. Also, cinemas are conducive to making out. Regardless of personality, it's almost always a win-win situation.
Being introverted doesn't often equate to being a bookworm, but bookworms, by the very nature of their hobby, have qualities inherent in an introvert. In any case, it's safe to bring a date to a bookstore because if nothing else, he/she might suspect you of being an intellectual even though all you ever read is Archie comics (not that there's fault to be found in that).
3. Art Gallery
Most art exhibits demand quiet introspection and appreciation (although loud proclamations often work for some), and dating in an art gallery or museum is sure to mask the conversation gaps you may have had earlier on your lunch or dinner date. But don't expect discussions about how illusionist or impressionist the pieces you just saw. Your introvert date would probably rather discuss the merits of Van Gogh in the comfort of his own blog or his Facebook wall which will be shared to his 97 friends.
4. Coffee Shop
Unless your date is allergic to caffeine, a coffee shop is a great dating place for several reasons: caffeine jolts people to consciousness and activity and coffee is just universally considered a delicious and customizable beverage enjoyed by the entire human race. Maybe after a cup of Americano, she will snap out of her reverie and talk up a storm.
Before you test the waters of introvert-dating, assuming you're not an introvert yourself (or you are one but are infinitely less averse to talking), decide first if you're willing to captain a conversation, fill long and empty silences, and make decisions for two. An introvert is not incapable of making decisions but is merely less likely to verbalize it. If you happen to like someone who happens to be an introvert, cherish, and don't question, those little quiet times.
There are times in a couple's life when the need to experience the dreaded long distance relationship (LDR) becomes inevitable. Ask any couple who have gone through it and how such an arrangement works, if it does work, or even what their experience was, and you will likely hear a lot of tales of woe and unfaithfulness and the deterioration of that relationship because maintaining it proved to be so hard.
I am not going to lie to you, it's not ideal and it's not easy. As a military spouse, I expect that at times in my marriage my husband will have to go far away from home and we will have to manage to keep our family running smooth, collaborate on bills while also keeping our romance and special love thriving despite the distance. We will have to learn new ways to keep that spark alive and find ways to ease the pain and lonely feelings that are going to plague us at some parts of the separation.
Karen, a friend of mine, tried to do a LDR when her boyfriend, a navy soldier, was deployed for six months. She was young and the relationship was only a year old when he left. With tears in both their eyes, they bid an emotional farewell and promised to send each other letters and communicate online whenever possible, and that the relationship would make it. Sadly, this proved to be the case only for the first two months of the time apart. All started out well but when the mailman started showing up less frequently and the phone calls that had grown stagnant and dull were just no longer coming, they knew that something was wrong. He began being emotionally distant and she began an affair thinking that he was having one. He came home after awhile and told her about being in the field and unable to connect with her and she, in turn, told him she was pregnant.
The guidelines were not laid out, the planning on how to manage was not there and communication was non-existent before the relationship was thrown to different corners of the earth. This could have been avoided. So what are some solutions that can set a LDR into a successful and actually beneficial experience for a couple? How can a loving relationship survive when there are just words on the screen and a disembodied voice on the phone? More importantly, what about the loneliness and the urge for sexual gratification?
The physical act of holding hands and hearing "I love you" while someone looks in your eyes can feed the heart and bond you and your partner in loving closeness and intimacy. This all flies out the window when there is a monitor or a phone line between you, but that does not need to end the connection of intimacy. Thanks to Skype and similar video programs and hundreds of other social apps, there is the ability to do both. Granted, touching your hands together might feel strange when there is a monitor, but touching can be a spiritual or a mental rather than a physical experience. As long as you're both able to transcend the physical demands of intimacy, you should be fine. That and the ability to use your imagination in the most satisfying way.
Sexual gratification on the other hand is trickier, but manageable, and certainly can be done with a bit of imagination and technological know-how, basically through webcam and sexting. Phone sex and flirting sprinkled with a bit of role-playing can also enhance a sexually stagnating relationship. Then there are the more unconventional things that strong couples can work out on that would gratify each other's physical needs in a mutually agreeable and safe way. I will not beat around the bush about this but it is not for everyone and the make-or-break ratio of the primary relationship is quite high.
Paul has to go on business meetings for his job as an executive in International Relations and his wife of four years knows that while he's gone, he entertains himself from sexual loneliness. She, on the other hand, has informed him that she has a boyfriend in town that keeps her “occupied” when he's gone. Both have opened up the communication and are honest about their agreed upon dalliances with others in a non-threatening, trusting way. They have no children yet and have discussed that at a later time when they do reproduce, this arrangement might not work. But for now, such recourse helps to keep their loving relationship flowing and healthy through the distance.
Having to be separated from each other is stressful, but it is not insurmountable if a relationship is strong and built on trust. The ability to articulate certain needs that must be fulfilled soothes the kind of wound caused by great distance.