Once upon a time there were two people who were born and destined to meet - one day.
Moving into the part of life that most of us are told eventually comes can be an exciting period of anticipation and emotional growth. This special part of life refers to the intimate attraction between two people - the discovery of destined hearts preparing to take hold of each other in a trustworthy and committed manner. In layman's terms, most folks refer to this as the courting or dating period.
The purpose of this story is to shed a little light into one not-so-great dating experience in particular. This experience's main theme can be altered to fit personal experiences of your own. Go ahead. See if you can relate!
Where It All Begins
Human attraction is rather complex; yet, it becomes almost simple without even understanding what is happening. Humans think, feel and react to each other. If there is an innate feeling of attraction, we are easily drawn into a place of wonder, anticipation and, in many cases, the unknown. Often, our minds begin to sing "Oh Happy Day" without as much as a voice to carry it. Somehow, someway, love is in the air and nothing can stop it.
Moving Forward into the Unknown
Dating isn't necessarily a predictable journey. For the novice, dating can be really exciting, for all things are shiny and new. For both the novice and seasoned dater ideas of what the other person is like, adventures waiting to be explored and the hope of two hearts merging together successfully are some of the most delightful pieces to the dating puzzle. The point is, dating should be a happy time; but don't walk too blindly into the dating scene. Occasionally things may pan out a little differently than expected.
Taking a Bite of Reality
Here is a story that begins with friendship. Different names are used to protect the innocent and the blatantly shameful.
Meeting new people through friends can be a handy way to skip out on finding dates in bars or other less-than-stellar venues. After all, if your friend considers this other person worthy enough to date you, he or she must be all right. Even if a match made in heaven isn't the ultimate end result, at least there is trust in your friend to have selected someone of value for your specific tastes. Or, so one would hope.
There was a girl named Donna. She had a friend named Becky. Donna and Becky had been friends since the camping days of their youth. As grown women in their late teens to early 20's, life was changing from the life of young girls to more mature lifestyles of young ladies.
Becky had already met someone to give her heart to. Donna hadn't dated that much, if at all. Like any good-natured pseudo-matchmaker, Becky remarks to Donna that she knows of a young man Donna might like to meet. Skeptically, Donna doesn't exactly jump on the idea.
She had little experience with dating men and wasn't sure about being set up with someone she didn't know.
Donna wondered where Becky had known this young man. She also knew Becky had a sensitive side, as well as a convincing side. She didn't want to hurt Becky's feelings. Becky's own love companion was a hair stylist with many acquaintances. It was apparent that the young man was a friend of both, although there wasn't much discussion about how they met or how close they were for Donna to make a deeply educated decision about taking Becky up on her offer.
But, even though Donna was nervous, she wanted to meet someone who might be a good match for her. She asked questions about the young man to get a better feel of what to expect. After some prodding, Donna accepted the offer to meet the young man in Becky's home where she felt more comfortable.
Days went by and Donna began organizing her thoughts about what to wear for her first meeting with the young man. "There was a sense of awkwardness to this whole idea; but it couldn't be that bad, even if it wasn't good." Donna thought. So she picked out a casual outfit that would be nice enough to wear at home or out for a bite to eat.
The meeting was to happen in the early afternoon at Becky's apartment. Becky had arranged a few snacks for the introduction in hopes of a warm and inviting welcome. The day had arrived.
Donna arrived at Becky's house about an hour earlier than the set time to meet her mystery date. With nerves and anticipation at hand, she waited. And waited. And waited. The hour had come and gone with no young man to be seen, much less appreciated. Donna's heart was somewhat relieved, yet peeved with feelings of being disrespected even before she had a chance to make a good impression.
Finally, a knock on the door. Two young men had arrived. Donna's date and another friend of his entered the living room and introduced themselves. The friend left and there they were - alone. So far so good, right?
Donna and the young man sat down on the couch to talk and nibble on a few snacks. After talking for a few minutes, it became abundantly clear - this guy was not only late without apology - he was as drunk as a skunk at a country picnic at 2:00 in the afternoon. Donna was livid and humiliated. Long story short, this match made in heaven took a very wrong turn on so many levels.
Believe it or not, dating requires thoughtful consideration and a plan of appropriate action. No one likes to be taken advantage of or insulted, especially in a brand new meeting arena. This couple was destined to meet - probably to learn what not to do while dating.
There is such a thing called "dating etiquette". Whether "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" or any other show of humility and grace comes to mind, it is imperative we treat each other with respect. Whether or not the young man was a big drinker or simply experiencing a case of nerves is unknown. What matters is that he was not prepared to handle his own feelings respectfully, much less someone else's.
Fear has a way of tainting the hearts and minds of men and women, even in dating. This young man could very well have been as nervous as Donna was. What went wrong was the lack of respect on the young man's part to get through the jitters together on a compassionate level. Leaving Donna to feel as if she were not good enough or worthy enough of respect from the start is a horrible way to enter into any relationship, much less a love relationship.
Not giving this meeting a chance through the selfish act of intoxication is only a symptom of a deeper issue. Creating strong boundaries and a seasoned habit of self-respect before entering into the dating world is highly recommended. The hearts of us all are designed to be appreciated and loved, not tested and disrespected.
There are hundreds of scenarios in the dating world. Good, bad and a mix of both are all possible. Dating is to our advantage if handled with care. We don't need to represent ourselves falsely; but we do need to approach dating with the respect it is due.
Old-fashioned or not, let's get back to the understanding that dating is not entirely about sex, love or marriage. It is about getting to know a person for who they are and connecting within the heartfelt realms of similar values. If those things ignite mutually exclusive fireworks, then you're on your way to "Oh Happy Day".
Training in the gym or in the park can be a very lonely business. You walk in and put on your headphones, stare at a mirror or at the upcoming footpath and just get through it. Life isn't meant to be spent alone and neither are training sessions. If you follow these five tips, you will be able to find the right fitness partner for you. One who not only helps you train and push yourself but could also become much more than just a gym buddy.
There are those days you find when exercising is easy, you count off the distance and happily complete every set. These days are wonderful, but you remember them because they do not come around all that often. More often than not, there are times when exercising is not easy and definitely not fun. You need a person stood by your side with the same interest to give you that little bit of extra motivation. They can give you the want to go that extra mile, lift that extra rep or just not quit. You need that person with you, to stop you walking out of the gym and straight into the burger joint next door. You need someone who will give you the right form of motivation. Are you the sort of person who responds well to being shouted at? Or would you prefer some positive reinforcement coming in the form or a compliment? Finding the right balance, could be the difference between a successful workout session and losing your motivation.
When you are looking for the perfect fit of a fitness training partner, the second most important aspect is a similar schedule. Some of us really like to get up before the sun and head down to the track for an early morning run. The sane among us would rather head to the gym after work, it lets all of the day's stresses and strains pour out of our bodies at the same time as the sweat. If you know when your body responds best to exercise, you will always train at these times. You do it because it works for you. It makes sense to find a training partner on a similar schedule to yours. It's not rocket science to make good plans, but too many people will ruin their own training to fit around someone else, then wonder why they have quit after two weeks.
This one will seem almost too obvious to include in this list, but it really is crucial. We know you won't see a marathon runner partnered up with a body builder. We're all far too clever for that to happen. However, the subtle nuances of our individual training requirements are sometimes overlooked. Two people can both be training for the same distance, let's say 10km. They both have a race to enter and want to be in peak shape for it. What's important to note is that peak shape is not the same for any two people. Whilst one might be aiming for a personal-best time, the other might just be trying to finish their first ever race. Then factor in the dates of these races are two months apart and we have issues. Teaming up with someone who has very similar goals to you, with the same timescale, will be a huge benefit not only to your physical training but your positive mental attitude. They are there to help through the bad times and celebrate the good ones.
It is a really nice feeling to be out in the world, running down a country lane or through a picturesque park. Nothing quite tops it in our daily lives, but it can be completely ruined by either being pulled to run faster or having to dramatically slow your pace. Running out of your natural stride will cause pain. Shortening your paces or slowing down your cadence will annoy you. In the same way as having to sprint whilst your training partner has hardly broken sweat and seems able to constantly talk, will annoy and decrease your self-confidence. Why would you put yourself through it? Find a partner who is very similarly matched to your ability. It is not an elitist thing, it's about getting the most out of your exercise and relationship.
If you have found a fitness training partner, who works out at a similar level to you, then you are in a brilliant position. They can even be found online. You now have the chance to not only have a great relationship with them, but you have the ability to have a direct comparison of your workout success. You will both do the same training, the same distance, reps or speed. When you have trained with someone for a while, you know how they workout and you know their levels of fitness. This allows you to use them as a markerboard for your own fitness progression. Have you added an extra twenty kilos to your bench press or dropped your time by a minute. That's brilliant and really well done to you, the hard work is paying off. However, if your partner has added thirty kilos or dropped two minutes, then something is wrong with what you are doing. The training is obviously working, but there is something you are doing differently. Choose a partner where you will be able to create a direct comparison between you, it is a huge advantage to you. It will pay for itself, time and time again.
The Warm Down
There are many great reasons to find a fitness partner. If you consider these five tips, then you will find the right one for you even at an old age. The results will come and you'll look forward to training again.
If you are aged over 50 and want to get onto the dating scene, you may be finding it a challenge. Whether you are widowed, divorced or have never found that special someone, getting started with dating later in life poses its own problems. Many ways of meeting people in the real world are geared towards much younger couples, so online dating represents an ideal solution. However, even then it can be tricky to know which site to choose and how to begin. Whether you are looking for romance, flirtation or companionship, there is sure to be someone out there for you, so here we offer you some advice about how to start dating as a senior.
The Fundamentals Of Dating Stay The Same
While you may find dating later in life a little more scary than it was in your youth, most things about the process remain unchanged. Dating will always be about taking the time to get to know a new partner, finding out if you connect on an emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical level. Don't forget that communication is the key to success, so if you're interested, don't be afraid to show it.
Always be yourself when meeting new potential partners. Be happy and approachable with an open mind, and above all be honest. Identify your weaknesses and strengths before embarking on the dating process so that you can decide what you want from a relationship before you enter one.
Getting Up To Speed With Online Dating
Online dating is one of the best ways for older people to meet a new partner, however it can feel very unfamiliar to those who who lack technological skill. Don't be afraid of signing up with a senior dating site - it's a great way to screen potential love matches and to see if they are looking for the same thing from a relationship as you. By messaging each other before you meet up, you will already know plenty about each other and will have lots to talk about.
Don't Make Assumptions
In today's modern world, you should avoid making any assumptions when it comes to dating, especially when it comes to matters of gender roles or sex. Be open minded and honest when you make contact with a new potential partner so that you find out early on if your expectations are compatible with each other.
Sex Still Matters
While young people think that sex is something that happens in your teens and twenties, we all know that it is still important in later life too. Assess your values and boundaries before going out with a new partner and be prepared to discuss sex openly. Whether you are feeling more sexually liberated than ever or are struggling with body issues, these conversations need to happen at an early stage.
Don't Let Your Past Hold You Back
Everyone who has reached the age of 50 plus has a past, and while it's important to learn from your previous experiences, you mustn't let your old relationships hold you back from enjoying a new one. Be confidence and avoid talking about your exes on your first few dates, and especially avoid talking negatively about them. Most importantly of all, if you are still holding on to issues from an old partner, make sure that you have dealt with them all before you go on to date someone new.
Patience Is Key
Being patient when dating in later life is essential to your long term happiness. Being patient with yourself and not rushing into anything that you aren't comfortable with is very important, however it is also vital to be patient when it comes to choosing a new partner. Don't expect the first person you meet to be that special someone - take your time and wait until you have found someone that is compatible with you.
Involve Your Family
While it is paramount that the person you choose to date makes you happy, don't forget that you have other people in your life too who deserve to know that you are dating. Let your loved ones know about your plans to start dating so that there are no shocks or surprises in the future. Involve your adult children, and remember to be sensitive as they may have mixed feelings about a new partner in your life. If they fail to show understanding, remember to stand your ground, but gently and gracefully to avoid upsets and arguments.
Just because you are getting older doesn't mean that you can't feel youthful and vibrant inside. Take good care of yourself and live your life with purpose and you are sure to come across as somebody that will be fun to date. Don't be afraid to get involved with activities and meet new people, perhaps through taking a class, volunteering or going to church. Pursuing your interests and living an exciting life will make you more attrative as a potential partner.
As William Shakespeare once penned, "The course of true love never did run smooth." Since the dawn of humankind, men and women have explored the exhilarating highs and devastating lows of falling in love, staying committed, and the agonizing ordeal of unrequited love. One of the greatest obstacles most of us face is attracting love in the first place especially after having a broken heart, of opening ourselves up in a way that appeals to and allows us to connect with potential soul mates.
Ask any relationship expert and they will tell you that the #1 key to being successful in dating and love is confidence. Confidence isn't just the way you carry and present yourself to others, it's the way you value yourself as an individual. Confidence and self-respect go hand-in-hand, and in order to exude the kind of healthy energy that attracts the right partners it's crucial that you take care of all the aspects of your life that contribute to your inner and outer allure.
So where does this mystical confidence begin? How can some people just seem to glide through life enjoying the kind of fairy tale romances most of us only dream of? For starters, it's all about how they think of themselves.
1. Start from within.
No one is perfect, not even seemingly perfect people. We all have our flaws and weaknesses, both inherited and acquired through tough life lessons. And it can take a lifetime to sift through personal baggage and work towards positive change. But guess what? That's what truly confident people do!
People who are successful in their relationships--both professional and personal--are not afraid to confront their faults, forgive themselves, and strive to be the best possible versions of themselves. By acknowledging where there's room for improvement, and committing yourself to meeting the necessary goals, you're immediately making the affirmation that you are worth the effort, allowing others to think the same.
2. Assess your life.
Confidence largely comes from feeling good about your life, and the choices you're making. Whether it's the pursuit of a talent or career you're passionate about or maintaining a healthy diet and fitness regimen, confidence means actively embracing your life and, more importantly, curating it to fit your own needs and interests.
We've all encountered those men and women who seem to lose themselves in relationships, taking on whatever qualities their partner desires and often forgetting their own personal attributes that make them special. Attracting the right people means making a life for yourself that you can be proud to inhabit, regardless of whether you're single or in a relationship. The right partners are the ones who will cherish your independence and individuality, and will continue to want to be a part of the life you've made for yourself.
3. Get a handle on your insecurities.
There are few things in love as unattractive as insecurity, often exercised as habitual mistrust and jealousy. Insecurity not only destroys your partner's respect, but diminishes your own self-worth. Being confident doesn't mean you don't have moments of self-doubt or pangs of jealousy, it means you're able to evaluate where those emotions stem from, and have an honest dialogue with yourself about how to work through them.
It's only human to compare yourself to others from time to time but remember that there's only one 'you.' No one can take your place. As you build up your confidence by embracing all the unique nuances--physical and personal--that you make you attractive, you will find yourself worrying less and less about competing with others. And best of all, you won't have to!
4. Draw your boundaries--and stick to them.
Confidence comes from sticking to your personal "do's" and "don'ts" of what you'll tolerate in regards to how you're treated by others. When you make it known how you expect to be treated in a romantic relationship and stand firm in that stance, your partner has no choice but to respect that or leave.
Writer and therapist Savannah Grey pens, "I have learned that my self-esteem is like the gold in Fort Knox. It is extremely valuable and mine to protect. No one, regardless of their issues, has any right to try to sneak out a few bars, so that their own pile gets a little larger at the expense of mine."
5. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.
There's a difference between weakness and vulnerability, though people often confuse the two. And believe it or not, confident people are not afraid to be vulnerable with those they care about. Healthy relationships depend on mutual honesty and openness, and one of the greatest comforts of being in a romantic partnership is knowing you can trust the other person with your rawest emotions.
Don't be afraid to stand in your truth and state what you're feeling, when you feel it. Whether it's pain or joy or all the many emotions in between, by expressing yourself with sincerity and a sound mind you are not only reinforcing the person you are, but earning the respect and admiration of the one you love.
To this end, Ben Altman, founder of Charisma On Command, writes: "When you’re truly confident in yourself, you can open yourself up emotionally. You’re willing to be honest all the time without worrying about judgment or rejection, because you’re comfortable enough in yourself, flaws and all."
6. Remember that confidence is only half the battle.
You may be thinking "Well, why did I just read this article then?" but bear with it for a minute. Bestselling author and dating coach Matthew Hussey writes, "Confidence tells us I can do this” whereas competence says, “I know how to do this.” Hussey continues, "In dating, this means knowing how to strike up a conversation (or flirt) with strangers, talk about ourselves in an interesting way on a date, or let a new love interest know that something they did bothered us (without seeming high-maintenance). These things aren’t about having self-belief or self-confidence; they are about knowing how."
The point is, all the feigned confidence in the world won't attract, let alone sustain, a romantic dating relationship if you don't put in the daily self-work that keeps the confidence coming from a place of genuine honesty and yes, absolute competency.
Always remember that you are worth the best kind of love, the kind that enriches your soul and makes your life all the more wonderful because of it. Energy attracts energy, and by nurturing your own self-love you will most certainly attract it from the outside as well.
Whether you knew the breakup was coming or have been blindsided by a faithless lover, the pain caused by an ended relationship can be devastating. Perhaps you and the object of your affection never even dated, but he or she flat out rejected you. Life itself feels cruel, and you may just want to take to your bed for the next ten years or so. Take a day or two, eat lots of ice cream, smack a punching bag at the gym, or watch some sad movies with a box of tissues, but then you must go on with a heartbreak recovery plan.
Don't Just Dwell on the Good Times
Make sure you only mourn the relationship you actually had, not the one you wanted or built up in your head. Did your partner refuse to adopt a pet although you desperately wanted one? Start fencing your yard or check our local dog walk trails to prepare for a new furry friend. Think of how many life decisions of which you compromised just to stay together. Were your partner's friends rude to you--fine, guess what? You don't have to see them anymore!
Scrub Your Social Media
Get rid of pictures that trigger sadness. Change your relationship status but do not give a blow by blow saga of your breakup on Facebook. You don't need a breakup to remind you that you really don't have 310 "friends". Avoid social media drama--it won't get your ex back and you will only provide grist for the gossip mill.
Flirt But Don't "Hook Up"
It may be tempting to go out on the town, get drunk and get busy with the first person you meet. That is a dangerous plan for so many reasons. You won't be getting back at the person who broke your heart, you will only be punishing yourself. This is a time to feel safe and secure, not out on a limb. Instead, practice the sexy art of casual flirting in safe places.
Genuinely Reconnect With Friends
Did you stop seeing certain friends during your former relationship or have minimal contact so you could concentrate on your love interest? If so, it's time to get back in touch but not just to use them as a crying towel. Confide about your heartache but then move on to other topics and shared interests. Your friends will know if they are being pumped for information about your ex or just a sounding board for you giving a play by play of your breakup for the 100th time. At this time in your life, you need to give as well as get some genuine affection for your recovery.
Interesting People are Interested People
If you love reading, join a book club. How about a self-defense course if you're feeling vulnerable? Get interested in the things you love and it will speed up your healing process. Even if you don't feel up to it, fake it till you make it. Rediscovering yourself and meeting new people will soon transform from a planned distraction to an authentic joy.
Take a Look At Yourself
This is the hardest thing to do, as it requires unflinching honesty. Once you are healed, you can see patterns past the pain. How do you behave in relationships? Did you check texts and decode private passwords out of insecurity? Don't embark on this spiritual search with hopes of reconciliation, do it to be a better person in your next relationship.
Do you deliberately choose mates who will reject you? How strong is your self-esteem? Do you think so little of yourself that in the past you settled for a partner who drinks to excess, or uses drugs? If you ever thought you wanted to explore therapy, now is an excellent time.
Don't Start a New Relationship With Emotional Baggage
After the initial healing process is complete, it's time to get back out there and try dating. It's not a good idea to go on one date, decide you want to be coupled again, and use this person as a rebound partner. Don't move too fast! It's okay to tell your new friend that you want to take it slow as you had a bad breakup, without going into graphic detail. Take it slow and enjoy the beauty and mystery of romance.
Your healing process may feel overwhelming in the beginning; however, it's comforting to know that you are not alone. This heartbreak is merely a chapter in your life. If you use your recovery period to reach out and reconnect with old friends, make new friends, find new interests, and rediscover yourself, and your new life partner, you will find it's actually easier than you may think.
First dates can turn out to be a wonderful surprise or an unimaginable nightmare. While it’s impossible to control all the variables, here are some do’s and don’ts anyone can use to give a first date the best possible chance of success.
Do Your Homework
How much do you really know about your date? Prep work can give you a vital head start to having an enjoyable time. There’s no reason to cyber-stalk someone, but checking out their social media or online dating profile can give insight into their sense of humor, taste in films, books and music. If your date is a friend of a friend that can even be better. Finding out common likes and even dislikes in advance can help to keep the conversation going and avoid awkward silences.
Dress for Success
They say clothes make the man or woman. How you dress will depend on what you’ll be doing, the venue and the weather. Regardless of that, one of the most important things you can do is wear clothes you are comfortable in. This doesn’t mean to break out the sweat pants and ratty old sneakers. Instead it does mean that any under and outer garments fit well and comfortably so you will not have to make constant adjustments and be distracted. Being at ease in your clothes will keep you from feeling self-conscious and let you focus on enjoying yourself.
Cleanliness - Nothing Beats It
Hygiene is something everyone takes for granted until they’re stuck on the subway next to someone who obviously never showered after their last work out. If at all possible, give yourself enough time to shower, style your hair, brush and floss your teeth, use deodorant and apply a light amount of fragrance, if desired. Fragrance can be a wonderful and sensual way of expressing yourself to those close to you. It’s also a great idea to carry some breath mints with you in your pocket or purse.
It can be tempting to try to be all things to all people all the time, however that is exhausting, dishonest, and can never last. It’s best to be yourself. Be honest about things you like, what you believe and don’t be afraid to tactfully express your opinions. It’s definitely better to find out early in the game if you have genuine differences that would preclude you from wanting to pursue a relationship.
Remember, this is a time to get to know someone and to let them get to know you. Enjoy yourself. Be the kind of date you wish to have. Keep your sense of humor and try to go with the flow. Things don’t always go the way we plan. Long restaurant waits, sold out movie theaters and bad traffic can put a damper on anyone’s mood, but finding the funny side of life’s quirks can make any date more enjoyable for you both.
It’s a date, not an episode of Married at First Sight
Do not go into the evening expecting Prince or Princess Charming to be your soul mate. Keep your expectations reasonable. This is a time to get to know someone new, someone you may or may not want to see again. It’s great to go in with a positive and optimistic attitude, but be realistic. No one wants or needs the pressure of thinking about (let alone talking about) how many kids they’d like to have or where they want to have a wedding ceremony.
A Date Isn’t Therapy
A first date isn’t the time to give someone your entire life story or talk about how Mom and Dad loved your brother Dave more and didn’t buy you the bicycle you wanted for your eighth birthday. Save all of that for your best friends and therapist. This also isn’t the time to pull out your resume and review all your previous jobs and which of your bosses were ogres. Talking about your life and job is fine but be sure to inquire about theirs. Make sure the conversation is a two-way street and not a one-way diatribe. Keep the conversation light and lively.
Wait a Minute, Who Are You?
This is not the time to try and create a whole new persona. If you tend to be introverted and a little shy, don’t try to be the extrovert who wants to dance on tables. Don’t try some extreme hair color change or the newest makeup trend if it isn’t you. Don’t let your nerves get the better of you and consume more glasses of wine than you can handle. Few things are less attractive than someone who is sloppy-drunk. Remember, be true to yourself.
Put That Phone Down
Technology can be a great tool for meeting people. You may have even met your date online, but during the date put your phone away. Few things are more annoying than trying to have a conversation with someone who insists on checking their phone for texts, emails and messages every few minutes. If you absolutely must check your phone or take a call, excuse yourself and do it as discretely and quickly as possible.
End of the Date Dance
Do you want to see this person again? If so, then it’s perfectly fine to let them know how much you’ve enjoyed your time together and that you’d like to meet again. If, on the other hand, you know this is someone you could not bear to spend another second with, then don’t lead them on. Sometimes promises are made to call or text that leave the other waiting and wasting their time. It is kinder in the long run to be tactfully honest and admit you don’t think you really hit it off. Some first dates are meant to be last dates and that’s okay.
However your date turns out (to be the first of many or the worst night of your life), you can know you did your best to make the evening as successful as possible. If you dont have someone to date yet, find one from these dating sites!
Online dating is a great way to meet people. When schedules are packed, people are busy, and there simply isn’t enough time in the day to get out and meet new people, online dating is a great alternative. Much like traditional dating, online dating works sometimes. Many couples who meet online end up married, although there are always those who break up and can’t find love. You don’t want to be one of those people, which is why you want to know how to increase your chances of being successful in the online dating world.
There is no magic formula for being successful at online dating. However, you should always be yourself, and be honest. Faking your photos and your personality has a way of coming back to haunt you when you, so it’s a good idea to avoid putting yourself in that situation from the start. If you want to learn how to be successful at online dating, take this advice and make it your own.
Choose Your Photos Carefully
If there is one tip that every online dating profile needs, it’s all about the photo. You need to have at least two photos of yourself. One up close head shot and a full body shot. This allows potential dates to see you up close and personal, and they can also see the whole package.
When it comes to choosing the right photo, don’t settle. This is the impression you are giving everyone on the internet you might meet, and it needs to be a good one. Forget the selfies in the car or public bathroom. This is a great opportunity to ask a friend to take some lovely shots of you in the park, by the beach, or even in the fitness so you can show off your fun and natural side.
It’s also important that you don’t use too many filters or editing software. It’s fine to do a little bit of editing to get rid of red eyes or to make the light better, but you don’t want your photo to make you look like a different person when you meet future dates. Additionally, you want the photo to be a recent one. You change significantly over the years, and you want your dates to know what you look like now rather than a decade ago no matter how much you love that picture from prom.
Show Some Personality
Your online dating profile might feel a bit like a job resume, but it’s not. This is your chance to have some fun. Show off your intelligence by all means, but remember to show off your sense of humor and your mischievous sense of adventure at the same time. No one is perfect, but everyone is perfect for someone else.
Write your profile. Rewrite it as you see fit. Add to it, detract from it, and make it your own as often as you like. It’s your profile, after all. When you decide it’s time to add a little something about yourself to the profile, do it. If you’re worried about what people think, remember that you don’t want to date someone who doesn’t like you for you.
Expect Some Form of Compromise
We all love a tall, dark, handsome man, but sometimes we’d much rather end up with a short, funny, engaging man instead. Keep in mind that you might want what you want, but you might not get what you want. Imagine online dating like buying a house. You want it to be a certain size and have all the right features, but you don’t want to live in a terrible neighborhood to get that, do you?
The same goes for the man or woman you choose to date. He or she might be all that and then some, but do you really want to date someone who lives across the country just because he’s the whole package? Your online dating experience might be a lot more successful if you choose the slightly less upgraded house for the much better location. You can fix things up all you want, but you can’t change the big stuff.
Online dating is a lot of fun if you let it be what it is. If you want to find the love of your life, you have two choices. You can take it too seriously and forget to have a good time, or you can lighten up a bit and take chances with the people you meet. You never know if that person who seems so opposite of your type is going to be the person you spend the rest of your life with.
If that person is not your forever soul mate, at least you have some entertaining stories to share with your friends. Lighten up, enjoy yourself and really learn how to have a good time on dates. The more fun you have, the more fun your date will have. When you’re both having fun, you relax and might actually make a connection.
Don’t Take it Personally
You have found him. The man of your dreams is right there on the computer in front of your face, so you send him a message. You wait with giddy anticipation for him to respond, but he never does. It happens to the most beautiful people in the world. You can be the best catch in town, but you might not be that man’s favorite flavor.
Do not take it personally. The best way to ensure your online dating experience is unsuccessful and entirely miserable is to take it personally when someone is just not that into you. Instead of wondering what’s wrong with you after he ignores your messages, wonder what’s wrong with him. After all, there must be something wrong with him if he’s not into someone as amazing as you.
Online dating might seem intimidating, but you are entirely in control. There are no drunk guys approaching you and ignoring your not-so-subtle hints to get lost. You don’t have to go home with someone tonight. You don’t even have to answer their messages right away. All you have to do is sit back and remember you are in control of the situation at every turn.
When we think about “Sugar Baby Relationship”, the image of a rich old man with a young beautiful girl will immediately come into our mind. But that’s only a part of this type of special relationship. And it also isn’t only about sex and money.
Today we have a chance to talk with Sudy, the leading sugar daddy dating site. Currently, Sudy has over a million members from all over the world, with all types of occupations and ages.
Sudy will let you know insider information on this special relationship including tips and tricks for those who want to be daddies or babies themselves and how to find one.
Can you please tell us about Sudy?
Well, we launched Sudy last November. Within nearly one year of being launched, Sudy has attracted Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies from all over the world.
Sudy has over 1 million members, including CEOs, doctors, lawyers, investors, entrepreneurs, beauty queens, super models, Hollywood celebrities, college students, and more. Whether they are rich older men who are looking for a younger beautiful women or young sexy girls who are looking for wealthy and mature men, they both can find what they are looking for.
What make Sudy different than other dating apps out there?
In Sudy, after a quick sign up, you can swipe to like or pass members as you did on Tinder. However, unlike other sugar daddy dating app, sugar babies here can talk to sugar daddies for free.
Besides, Sudy provides with many special features like Nearby - Find rich or beautiful singles nearby quickly, Moments - Share daily life moments to let others know more about you, Ranking - The higher ranking you have in the Glamour/ Wealthy list, the more attention you will attract from other charmers, etc.
What are requirements to becoming a member in Sudy?
First thing first, you have to be real. We've been really working on one thing, avoid the scammers, to provide high-quality user experience. We won't allow a fake profile to joining in, even though we give more convenience to premium members.
I know people think like, only really young girls can be a sugar baby and only business men who earn $5M+ annually can be a sugar daddy, that's not the truth. Tell you what, there are mostly 18-30 yrs old sugar babies in Sudy, with a tiny fraction above 35 yrs old, all of them are really pretty, confident, and gorgeous. Sugar daddies are not only millionairs, but also dozens of mature men who earn $500K annually and really willing to pay.
And how do you verify each member?
If you want to become a member of Sudy for free, you have to verify yourself. We would like to make sure that they are the exact same person on the profile. On the other hand, we verify sugar daddies as well by checking their tax or financial related document to ensure that their income is real.
What is the most significant factor for sugar daddy relationship?
It’s money, and sex ratio imbalance, I think. Essentially, sugar daddy wants a company and they give sugar baby money in return. So, these two are undeniable significant factors.
On the other kinds of relationships, money is not the issue, maybe love, maybe personality, and maybe hobby. In this case, without money, then it can’t be a sugar daddy relationship.
And there’s one thing I’d like to mention about money. Sugar baby is absolutely not equal to a prostitute. They can be friends with their sugar daddies, or lovers. There’s sex in most case, but if they don’t want to do it, they’ll make it clear at an early stage and find someone like-minded. They have a choice, prostitute have no choice, it's cruel, but the truth.
Another thing here is that the number of women who want to be spoiled always is much more than the number of men who are rich and generous. But since it’s not a serious relationship, it’s quite common that one sugar daddy often spoils several sugar babies at the same time. In some ways, it’s not a big deal.
What are the traits a person should have in order to become a sugar daddy?
A rich man, mature man, who have money but live a busy, lonely, or dull life and wants someone charming, interesting or sweet by his side and make him relax. Every man who wanna become a sugar daddy has the reasons.
"A man’s got a limit, you have no right to stop others from living a life they want."
Some of them may not be good looking, the lack of competitiveness will make them feel unsure of themselves in social situations, not to speak of nightclub. I didn't mean to be mean but I know a guy, he once told me that he'd never imagine that one day he could date a girl who is really his ‘dream girl’ and it's like she's really like him as well. He may think if he was not her sugar daddy, this kind of girl would not even give him a glance.
In others, for men who may be aged, or busy at work, lack of energy, feel lonely or tired heart in particular, if there’s a sweet pretty girl who can give you time, company, maybe even sex, make you feel extremely relax and young again, and you just give some money in return - something you don’t lack. Why not? A man’s got a limit, you have no right to stop others from living a life they want.
What are main characteristics of sugar babies?
I’d say there may not be main characteristics of sugar babies. We have various types of sugar baby, young chick or mature woman, sweet angel or gorgeous queen, collage student or office lady, city girl or small town girl. Check our blog, we touched this topic and defined the different types.
Is it only limited to young and beautiful ladies who are finding someone to improve their quality of life?
It’s not true, do your Google search you’ll find that many famous sugar baby ain’t always young and beautiful. I mean they are not win by young or beautiful, but they indeed invest in their appearance, well dress, makeup, shining hair, and etc. A young pretty girl always popular, but in sugar daddy relationship, a woman with strong ‘sugar baby’ inspiration who has rich knowledge and experience in sugar daddy relationship always wins. We’ve always provided support and tips in our blog, to help new sugar babies learn how to sugaring.
How long does Sugar Daddy relationship normally last?
Some of them can last just couple of weeks due to the dissent in allowance or what, some of them can last even several years. Generous daddy & Sweet babe.
Do you know that there are few couples that they used to be in sugar daddy relationship and then turn to serious relationship? Please trust me when I tell you that some of them had got married with their sugar daddy/baby.
Is “love” important for Sugar Daddy relationship? Or just only sex and money?
You mean most important? Definitely no. You mean important? Maybe yes. One thing you learn when you're living the sugar baby life, is that you always 'love' your sugar daddy, or, pretend you 'love' them all the time.
"Remember that sugar daddy relationship is not serious relationship like true love..."
Remember that sugar daddy relationship is not a serious relationship like true love. People who married their SD/SB is just in the minority of the whole sugar bowl. And it's not like general 'hook up' dating either, allowance, I mean money, is essential. As for sex? Ah, I can only say that it's up to you.
Is it possible for sugar daddies and sugar babies to develop their relationship and become a life partner?
Like I said above, of course it's possible for them to become a life partner. You can check the Google news recently, former porn star 'Nong Nat' is now known as Kejsarin Chaichalermphol, 31, married her millionaire sugar daddy who is double her age. I'm not saying that it's because she's a porn star so she can develop the relationship with his sugar daddy, coz I know a lady, works in a bank, who is sugar baby as well and she's getting married next month, with her sugar daddy who is 14 yrs older than her. See, it’s possible, but scarce though.
Some claimed that sugar daddies are the main cause of divorce and abortion. What would you say about this?
Really? Who said that? Well, I haven't seen any like that so far, at least not in Sudy.
But If you ask me, I'd say maybe ‘Sugar Daddy Relationships are the main cause of divorce’ is more like a 'tyrant's excuse for his own crimes'. No one wants to become a home wrecker, honestly, sugar baby’s not contravening the standards of moral conduct, they learn things, they think, they have their own discretion. As for abortion, I think it’s a heavy subject as I’m a woman and I can imagine how painful it would be. But I have to say honestly, it’s all about the people who made the mistakes and made the decisions, not whichever relationship they were in.
A divorce or abortion can be caused by many factors, I think there are always bitches in the world, whether they're sugar daddy/baby or not, it has nothing to do with anybody, except victims.
If someone wants to be sugar daddies/sugar babies, what are your suggestions?
I think the most important is that you should know yourself, know your needs, know your desires. If you want to be a sugar daddy and you feel you have the qualification, remember that give your respect and courtesy to every women you met, and generous men always gain favor. If you want to be a sugar baby, learn to protect yourself, it’s the most important thing, then know your type, set goal of your allowance and treat yourself well. Check ‘skill’ and ‘discussion’ tag in our blog, it could be very useful when you walk into the gate of sugar word.
Are you a gamer? Do you have troubles finding a date? Are you afraid of being rejected when a girl in your dream find out your passion in gaming? Because of their shy and quiet nature, geeks and gamers tend to make it hard for a dating partner to find out how awesome they are.
Fret not! There’s a solution out there. While general dating sites like Match.com might not be a good choice to find someone geeky online, LFGdating.com is created for this very purpose.
Today we have a chance to talk with Patrick and Casey, the founders of LFGdating. They are passionate gamers who end in marriage and create a dating site for geeks. They understand to their heart contents of geeks and dating problems. And they want to help!
Despite being a geek dating site, LFGdating does not limit its member to only geeks or heavy gamers. If you find yourself a type of fun people who occasionally games, LFGdating is a place for you as well.
Can you please tell us more about LFGDating?
The word ‘gamer’ kind of carries a negative connotation in our society. Picture two people meeting. One says, “I really like spending time outdoors. I always look forward to walking by the lake or taking my dog for a walk.” The other says, “I look forward to playing World of Warcraft after a long day. I enjoy talking and playing with my friends.” Even though it’s 2016, you may have read the second person’s response and winced a little bit.
You may ask yourself, “Why did she or he bring up playing a video game?” Patrick and I both have a passion for gaming. We started playing Atari and the original Nintendo when we were younger. We’ve carried that forward through every next gen console and PC.
Couple that with us both being single in our late 20’s, and we found there was no gamer dating sites around that we trusted. So we started LFGdating! A clean, modern and professional dating site where the member base were inherently gamers. Why sift through hundreds of profiles on Match or OK Cupid trying to find a gamer? Just come to LFGdating - that’s all we have. Thus, LFGdating was born.
What makes LFGDating different than other dating sites out there?
The surface-level answer to this question is that our members are gamers - pure and simple. The below the surface answer (as I type this I think of an iceberg that is 90% submerged) is that we focus on member success and happiness. It’s our corps de metier. Before we even decided to build LFGdating, we decided that we had to be member-driven. If we can’t provide top notch customer service then we shouldn’t do this.
This is about building something truly special - a place where gamers can meet other gamers on a safe, professional site. If our members aren’t happy, LFGdating doesn’t have a chance. 4 years later, we’re alive and thriving and we think the biggest part of our success is that our members are awesome people, and they deserve awesome customer service.
Do I need to be a geek in order to be a member of LFG Dating?
You do not! The funny thing is a lot of people who game don’t even consider themselves a ‘geek’ or ‘gamer.’ We have members who only play the occasional iOS game. We have members who play 5-6 hours of World of Warcraft per day. We have members who fit anywhere in that spectrum.
Is it hard to find a girlfriend/boyfriend from being a geek?
When it comes to finding somebody meaningful on a dating website, you have to really know what you’re looking for. Or at the very least, you need to know what you don’t want. The benefit of membership at LFGdating is that the entire layer of geek/gamer is removed at the start. That awkward part where you like someone or want to like them, and you don’t know if they’ll especially be thrilled that you play Overwatch every night - that’s gone. That’s why LFGdating is so special. You don’t hide your passion - you find someone that accentuates it!
What are major problems for a geek when they are finding a date?
The problems ‘geeks’ or ‘gamers’ face when trying to find a date are the same problems everyone faces. Will she or he like me? Will she or he like the things I like? Swap out geek for sports fan or traveler or late-night socialite, and you have the same problems. I mean I guess ‘geeks’ and ‘gamers’ have the stereotype of being shy and/or quiet, but members at LFGdating tend not to possess that because they’re in a community of like-minded people.
What geeks should do when they want to start a relationship with someone? And where should they go? Carrying forward the theme from above, geeks and gamers should do what everyone else should do when they want to form a meaningful relationship: learn about the other person, find ways to interact positively, and speak up for yourself. Where should they go? LFGdating of course!
Should a geek only date to a geek or not?
This is an excellent question. So it’s established that I game. Well, my wife doesn’t play video games at all. But one of the things we do together - and we’ve done this for years - is play other games. When we started dating, we’d play Boggle or Scrabble. When traveling together, we’d play these on our iPad. Funny - our board game habit turned into gaming. I don’t think I said this earlier.
Geeks and gamers are people first - geeks and gamers second. Gaming is a just a part of their life - it doesn’t completely define who someone is. That said, people should date who they want to date. I think that someone with a propensity to be a ‘geek’ or ‘gamer’ will probably find more common ground with someone who likes to game than with someone who doesn’t, but again - that’s only a part of their life - it’s not the whole thing.
Many people out there saying that dating a geek is a bad idea. Why’s that?
Probably because they worry too much about what other people think. That’s a dark road to go down. In my life, I have been blessed with many great, great friends. The number 1 way I can support them is to support what they are doing in their life and who they choose to spend their life with. If a geek or gamer wants to date another geek or gamer, they should do it. Plain and simple!
Why or why not people should date a geek?
The best part of dating a geek is that we’re cool people, right!?
What’s the key to making a geeky relationship successful?
The key to making a relationship work here is no different than anywhere else. Have fun, support each other, and find new ways to spend time together. Maybe that’s indoors playing a new game. Maybe it’s playing an old game but making a fun, competitive game out of it yourselves. Maybe it’s grabbing dinner at a new restaurant. Geeks and gamers have to eat too!
For geeks out there, remember that you do not need to completely change by quitting your passion in order to find the one you love. Just be yourself. There’s the one waiting for you. Some might say “Love me love my dog” But don’t forget to say “Love me love my games” as well :)
If we are asked what the most important thing in life is, dating and relationships are going to be the answer for so many people. It is human nature to seek relationships with others. Some may do it for fun and some do it to create a new life.
There are not many people in the world who can give better dating advice than top tier dating coaches. They are professionals possessing masterful skill in dating and flirting with all types of people. Not just that, they are best at interpersonal skills as well as philosophy and sociology.
Because of their knowledge, these dating coaches are well-known for bringing a successful dating life to their clients. Our dating coach for today's interview is a dating coach, personal image consultant, and founder of her multi-service dating coaching company The Love TREP, Neely Steinberg.
Neely believes wholeheartedly that you do not have to be powerless in your love life. She has been featured in numerous media outlets, including: US News & World Report, the Washington Post, the Boston Globe, Boston Magazine, Cosmo, Shape, Self, Huffington Post, Fox-25, Yahoo!, Glamour, to name a few.
Neely lives just outside of Boston with her amazing husband Dave and their beautiful daughter (with another one on the way!).
Let’s hear what she has to say about the life of a dating coach.
What life experience made you decide that you would like to be a dating coach?
I’ve always been fascinated by relationships, human psychology, the dynamics between men and women. And I’ve always loved talking about dating and relationships. I got a Masters degree in Counseling several years ago and had spent many years as a tennis coach. When I finally came through the haze of my own single life, meeting my now-husband Dave on Match.com at 33, I decided to combine my passions for dating/relationships, motivating and coaching, and counselling and listening.
I had spent several years working at a business school known for entrepreneurship as an academic advisor, and during my time there, I learned a lot about entrepreneurs and what it takes to create your own business. I started to see a ton of parallels between creating a fulfilling, purposeful dating and love life and creating a purpose-driven and fulfilling start-up venture, and I thought it would be a really fun, motivating way to look at one’s love life: You are the CEO and enTREPreneur of your love life, your “love start-up,” so to speak.
You have complete ownership of this venture, and it’s up to you to create, build, and shape your own destiny.
What was your dating life like before you became a dating coach?
One of the reasons I feel I can do what I do and do it really well, which is working with smart, successful, savvy women to create love in their lives, is because I was in their shoes for many years. I struggled with dating, commitment, vulnerability, and intimacy since the time I entered college to the time I met my husband. I have experienced all the emotions and many of the dating experiences and dilemmas that single women face today. I get them. I see them. I hear them. I understand them. And it’s a good feeling to be seen, heard, and understood, which is why I’ve been able to be successful as a coach.
So I come from a place of being able to relate and empathize, but also from a place of understanding how to work through the confusion and challenges of being single to finding a really fulfilling and loving relationship.
How does being a dating coach affect your own love life? Do you apply the same rules and matching techniques to your own dating habits?
It makes me really appreciate the man by my side. My husband is my biggest support system and cheerleader in all areas of my life, but especially with my coaching business, and that fills me with so much joy. His love, support, and devotion motivate and inspire me every day to help others create what I have created in my life.
What is the most important thing when giving relationship advice to your client?
Hmmm…difficult to narrow it down to just one thing. But I think ultimately, you want your partner to be your best friend, so look for someone who you feel a sense of comfort with. It should feel easy to be with them, that it’s OK to be who you are. A lot of women overlook this aspect when searching for love. I’d tell them to start appreciating the men who they can feel this way with.
What is the most asked question from your clients? And why?
I think it basically comes down to: What am I doing wrong? Most women are just perplexed as to why they can’t seem to find love, get more second dates, settle into a committed, loving relationship, etc. etc. They feel like they’re doing everything wrong, otherwise they’d have found love by now. They’re exhausted and feel like they’re just spinning their wheels getting nowhere. Many feel like they are a lost cause.
Do you have some requirements for your clients?
Not really, but it really helps if they are coming into the coaching process with an openness and a willingness to listen and learn.
Is there a universal strategy that works for all dating advice?
I tend to dislike applying universal rules when coaching, because each person is an individual with different backgrounds, needs, and prior experiences. So I really want to reach people on that individual level, as opposed to just applying blanket rules and strategies. But generally speaking, I think it’s very important to be in a good place with your own self-esteem. You need to esteem yourself before you ask another to esteem you.
Do you have a specific dating advice for BBW?
Embrace your size. Own who you are! But if you aren't content with your size, start doing what you can to make changes. Those are really the only two positive choices.
Is there a specific trait that prevents someone from having a successful relationship?
Anybody who approaches dating with a wall up will have a difficult time. Although the opposite – having no boundaries – can also be dangerous. Like most things in life, it’s about finding balance. If you’re selfish, you’ll most likely have difficulty connecting with another person, but if you’re completely selfless, you may be allowing others to walk all over you. Find the healthy balance.
How have apps such as Tinder and online dating sites changed the way of dating?
I think every app or dating site is an opportunity to meet someone, and I’ve heard success stories from just about every dating platform out there. I think some are more conducive to creating committed relationships than others, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t experiment with different ideas out there to meet people – remember you’re a dating entrepreneur! But certainly, dating apps, such as Tinder, put the focus entirely on looks and can become more of a pastime than a serious way of meeting people.
Apps like Hinge and Bumble are great, but tend to lend themselves to quick text-like communications, which can frustrate many daters. Traditional online dating sites tend to be better, in my opinion (and certainly so for older demographics), in terms of developing more momentum and substance from the start.
If there’s one piece of advice you’d have for singles who are looking for a partner, what would it be?
Get to a place in your life where you like, love appreciate, and respect yourself. Sure, you’ll always have internal challenges, insecurities, and fears, but, for the most part, if you’re in a good place in terms of the way you feel about and see yourself, you’ll have a much easier time attracting (and being attracted to!) someone who not only feels that way about
themselves, but treats you in the way you see yourself – with care, kindness, and respect.
Oh, and always keep hope alive for your love life.
This is the end of our interview with Neely Steinberg. Do not forget to sign up for her free, 3-part video on how to end the cycle of dead-end dating and why you keep attracting the wrong men at thelovetrep.com.
Check back our blog next week and read more interview in our dating coach interview series!