If we are asked what the most important thing in life is, dating and relationships are going to be the answer for so many people. It is human nature to seek relationships with others. Some may do it for fun and some do it to create a new life.
There are not many people in the world who can give better dating advice than top tier dating coaches. They are professionals possessing masterful skill in dating and flirting with all types of people. Not just that, they are best at interpersonal skills as well as philosophy and sociology.
Because of their knowledge, these dating coaches are well-known for bringing a successful dating life to their clients. As promised in our last interview with Kezia Noble, our dating coach for today's interview is Marina Lavochin, a dating coach from Seattle with the concept of Alter Ego. Marina has been successfully helping her clients to get relationship result they want by providing a different perspective and detailed tips and tricks based on her personal life experiences.
Let's hear what she has to say about the life of a dating coach.
What life experience made you decide that you would like to be a dating coach?
Hmm, which specific life experience made me get into this? I'm not sure there's just one. I've always been good at problem solving and giving blunt advice, so combining that with my own experiences in the dating world seemed like a logical move. I also love helping people, however I'm able to. Seeing how my tips and advice helped my guy friends with their own confidence and understand women better inspired me to help as many great guys out there as possible.
What was your dating life like before you became a dating coach?
I was in a serious relationship, actually was engaged and called off a wedding a few months before starting dating coaching. The relationship was a very challenging one and it was affecting me in a lot of ways. I lost my confidence, started becoming more and more consumed with the relationship and wanted to understand what was going on with myself and us as a couple. I started reading a lot of books about relationships, psychology, etc. After discovering the book "Attached" I understood so much about myself and my ex, how our attachment styles were clashing and how we spoke completely different love languages. The relationship fell apart but I became almost obsessed with studying more about the topic and my desire to help others awoke.
How does being a dating coach affect your own love life? Do you apply the same rules and matching techniques to your own dating habits?
Haha, I knew this question was gonna be on the list! I'm pretty open about my own life and journey, so I'm comfortable sharing this. I use my own stories, experiences and examples with clients all the time and sometimes even blog about my personal love life when I feel gutsy enough.
I own love life is definitely affected - it sucks most of the time, to be completely honest. Dating was super hard for me because guys got intimidated instantly when learning about my profession. Jealousy also comes into play because of how much time I spend with single guys, usually on weekends and evenings. I'm lucky to have found a guy who's confident enough to handle my job and understands my passion and need to help others in my own way.
We still have to work through a lot of the normal things most couples have to, but he gets the bonus of having me try to tell him what to do all the time ????. And no, I definitely didn't follow my own rules to a t when it came to the first date. When your boundaries are healthy those "rules" can pretty much go out the window. I don't personally need to just have a 20 min first date or stay away from certain topics. Our first date was probably 7 or 8 hours long and we spilled all of our crap, ex's, worst habits, everything. It was pretty funny. We pretty much just said "this is me, the good the bad, the ugly - still want to do this?"
What is the most important thing when giving relationship advice to your client?
Every client is different and the advice has to be specific to their own situation and whatever they're dealing with. We're all just humans with different lessons we need to learn, with different preferences and wants/needs. Advice has to incorporate all of those factors.
What is the most asked question from your client? And why?
"What's wrong with women???" Just kidding. I'm not sure if there's just one question that comes up over and over. I'd say it's specific to the women they messaged or texted and wondering why someone didn't reply or vanished. Rejection sucks and we all want to understand why.
Do you have some requirements for your clients?
Yes. I only take on clients who are genuine and good guys inside. I'd never work with someone who just wants to become a player and pick up chicks to boost his ego. I'm very selective when it comes to saying yes to a client.
The guys also have to be successful in other areas of their life. Most of my clients have great careers and have great friendships, ability to create structure in their lives and are responsible adults. I'm not qualified to offer coaching to someone who's hopeless, irresponsible, or doesn't have passion or direction in life. Those successes in other areas of their life are necessary in order for my coaching to be productive.
Is there a universal strategy that works for all dating advices?
Yes and no. Yes, because it's just someone's personal journey and the strategy of:
- Get confident
- Go on lots of dates to get practice and feel desirable while learning what you like and need in a relationship
And No, because every person will have different things they need to overcome through that process. Some will have a hold up about their appearance, or their living situation, or their upbringing, or past history.
Others will have a fear of intimacy and being vulnerable with someone. Every person has their own bag of shit that's been collected through their entire life and how I help is by identifying it as just that, shit. Bullshit belief that won't go away until awareness is brought to it and experiences are created to prove it wrong.
Is there a specific trait that prevents someone from having a successful relationship?
This is a hard one. I'd say being stubborn is probably the one I'd pick. Someone who's very stuck in their own ways and not open to seeing things in a different light, from a different perspective. Relationships aren't about winning. They're about understanding, support, and growing together.
How have apps such as Tinder and online dating sites changed the way of dating?
They've made it much easier to meet singles and pre-qualify people a little better. I think they're awesome if you know what you're doing.
The other result is people's lack of investment into getting to know someone. Having so many options and knowing that you can get 5 other dates lined up in a matter of minutes prevents a lot of people from truly connecting. A couple may go on a date and someone may not be in the best mood or maybe the conversation wasn't as exciting as it could have been, and people give up. We expect fireworks and shooting stars in order to give someone another chance, which prevents relationships from forming.
If there’s one piece of advice you’d have for singles who are looking for a partner, what would it be?
I get asked this all the time .
MALES - This is directed to Single, available men who want a relationship: Take Charge!
Get confident with your appearance, master your body language, learn to be in control of situations by being intentional and leading, and stop asking so many questions. Just share your wants, desires, goals, and start leading it there. If the girl isn't into it, she'll tell you. If she is, she'll be along for the ride. Asking only creates delays, confusion, and wastes precious time that you could be spending actually living those dream moments you want.
FEMALES - again, this is directed to Single, available females who want a relationship: Be More Feminine!
I usually get eaten alive when I summarize it like that and tell women to be more girly, but it's all about understanding feminine energy and masculine energy. I struggle with this one myself and have to constantly remind myself to let go of needing to feel in control and manage everything while allowing and encouraging the man to be in charge.
It's about acknowledging their strengths, their need to have a purpose and a destination, and us being the ones who either say Yes, I want that to be my lifestyle and I am passionate about supporting this man's goals and live out his purpose or No, this guy is not the one for me. I don't want to lead the relationship, constantly nag about unmet needs, always suggest what he should do and point out things he's doing wrong while not respecting and trusting him enough to be in charge of the big picture. It's our role as women to choose. We can offer encouragement and add to the relationship a lot but we shouldn't choose men whom we don't trust enough allowing us to sit back knowing that we're on the right track.
Our dating coach interview does not end here. Check back our blog next week and read the dating and relationship advice from the Deni Abbie, a dating coach and a hypnotherapist with “Positive Suggestion Techniques” from Dallas.