If we are asked what the most important thing in life is, dating and relationships are going to be the answer for so many people. It is human nature to seek relationships with others. Some may do it for fun and some do it to create a new life.
There are not many people in the world who can give better dating advice than top tier dating coaches. They are professionals possessing masterful skill in dating and flirting with all types of people. Not just that, they are best at interpersonal skills as well as philosophy and sociology.
Because of their knowledge, these dating coaches are well-known for bringing a successful dating life to their clients. Our dating coach for today's interview is a dating coach, personal image consultant, and founder of her multi-service dating coaching company The Love TREP, Neely Steinberg.
Neely believes wholeheartedly that you do not have to be powerless in your love life. She has been featured in numerous media outlets, including: US News & World Report, the Washington Post, the Boston Globe, Boston Magazine, Cosmo, Shape, Self, Huffington Post, Fox-25, Yahoo!, Glamour, to name a few.
Neely lives just outside of Boston with her amazing husband Dave and their beautiful daughter (with another one on the way!).
Let’s hear what she has to say about the life of a dating coach.
What life experience made you decide that you would like to be a dating coach?
I’ve always been fascinated by relationships, human psychology, the dynamics between men and women. And I’ve always loved talking about dating and relationships. I got a Masters degree in Counseling several years ago and had spent many years as a tennis coach. When I finally came through the haze of my own single life, meeting my now-husband Dave on Match.com at 33, I decided to combine my passions for dating/relationships, motivating and coaching, and counselling and listening.
I had spent several years working at a business school known for entrepreneurship as an academic advisor, and during my time there, I learned a lot about entrepreneurs and what it takes to create your own business. I started to see a ton of parallels between creating a fulfilling, purposeful dating and love life and creating a purpose-driven and fulfilling start-up venture, and I thought it would be a really fun, motivating way to look at one’s love life: You are the CEO and enTREPreneur of your love life, your “love start-up,” so to speak.
You have complete ownership of this venture, and it’s up to you to create, build, and shape your own destiny.
What was your dating life like before you became a dating coach?
One of the reasons I feel I can do what I do and do it really well, which is working with smart, successful, savvy women to create love in their lives, is because I was in their shoes for many years. I struggled with dating, commitment, vulnerability, and intimacy since the time I entered college to the time I met my husband. I have experienced all the emotions and many of the dating experiences and dilemmas that single women face today. I get them. I see them. I hear them. I understand them. And it’s a good feeling to be seen, heard, and understood, which is why I’ve been able to be successful as a coach.
So I come from a place of being able to relate and empathize, but also from a place of understanding how to work through the confusion and challenges of being single to finding a really fulfilling and loving relationship.
How does being a dating coach affect your own love life? Do you apply the same rules and matching techniques to your own dating habits?
It makes me really appreciate the man by my side. My husband is my biggest support system and cheerleader in all areas of my life, but especially with my coaching business, and that fills me with so much joy. His love, support, and devotion motivate and inspire me every day to help others create what I have created in my life.
What is the most important thing when giving relationship advice to your client?
Hmmm…difficult to narrow it down to just one thing. But I think ultimately, you want your partner to be your best friend, so look for someone who you feel a sense of comfort with. It should feel easy to be with them, that it’s OK to be who you are. A lot of women overlook this aspect when searching for love. I’d tell them to start appreciating the men who they can feel this way with.
What is the most asked question from your clients? And why?
I think it basically comes down to: What am I doing wrong? Most women are just perplexed as to why they can’t seem to find love, get more second dates, settle into a committed, loving relationship, etc. etc. They feel like they’re doing everything wrong, otherwise they’d have found love by now. They’re exhausted and feel like they’re just spinning their wheels getting nowhere. Many feel like they are a lost cause.
Do you have some requirements for your clients?
Not really, but it really helps if they are coming into the coaching process with an openness and a willingness to listen and learn.
Is there a universal strategy that works for all dating advice?
I tend to dislike applying universal rules when coaching, because each person is an individual with different backgrounds, needs, and prior experiences. So I really want to reach people on that individual level, as opposed to just applying blanket rules and strategies. But generally speaking, I think it’s very important to be in a good place with your own self-esteem. You need to esteem yourself before you ask another to esteem you.
Do you have a specific dating advice for BBW?
Embrace your size. Own who you are! But if you aren't content with your size, start doing what you can to make changes. Those are really the only two positive choices.
Is there a specific trait that prevents someone from having a successful relationship?
Anybody who approaches dating with a wall up will have a difficult time. Although the opposite – having no boundaries – can also be dangerous. Like most things in life, it’s about finding balance. If you’re selfish, you’ll most likely have difficulty connecting with another person, but if you’re completely selfless, you may be allowing others to walk all over you. Find the healthy balance.
How have apps such as Tinder and online dating sites changed the way of dating?
I think every app or dating site is an opportunity to meet someone, and I’ve heard success stories from just about every dating platform out there. I think some are more conducive to creating committed relationships than others, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t experiment with different ideas out there to meet people – remember you’re a dating entrepreneur! But certainly, dating apps, such as Tinder, put the focus entirely on looks and can become more of a pastime than a serious way of meeting people.
Apps like Hinge and Bumble are great, but tend to lend themselves to quick text-like communications, which can frustrate many daters. Traditional online dating sites tend to be better, in my opinion (and certainly so for older demographics), in terms of developing more momentum and substance from the start.
If there’s one piece of advice you’d have for singles who are looking for a partner, what would it be?
Get to a place in your life where you like, love appreciate, and respect yourself. Sure, you’ll always have internal challenges, insecurities, and fears, but, for the most part, if you’re in a good place in terms of the way you feel about and see yourself, you’ll have a much easier time attracting (and being attracted to!) someone who not only feels that way about
themselves, but treats you in the way you see yourself – with care, kindness, and respect.
Oh, and always keep hope alive for your love life.
This is the end of our interview with Neely Steinberg. Do not forget to sign up for her free, 3-part video on how to end the cycle of dead-end dating and why you keep attracting the wrong men at thelovetrep.com.
Check back our blog next week and read more interview in our dating coach interview series!